There are an alarming number of young black men that feel that they have to hide their sexual orientation for fear of rejection by friends and family. In this day and age, many gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender people fear for their lives like many black people did during the Civil Rights times. To be perfectly clear, I have a strong disbelief that they are in the same category of hatred. Yes it’s up there with it, but it’s still far from the same. However to discern the difference would bring up to much debate. I would be more than happy to talk about it on a side note, but it’s not the aim of this post. This topic hits close to home for me, because of family and close friends that live this lifestyle so I apologize if I seem a little stern and not so light hearted as usual.
There are many stories, of men being on the “down low” and leading heterosexual lifestyles. Many of the “down low” men have a wife and multiple kids, but still sneak around with men or transgender people. I have to imagine that when it does come out, it’s a big shock of betrayal and deception to another level because of the trust and sanctity of marriage in most cases. It’s one thing to hide the fact that you’re gay, but it is another to enter into something as sacred as marriage with the intent of lying and premeditated act of cheating and adultery. Don’t take this the wrong way, I have no problem with LGBT, I have a problem with the lying and deception some use to appease the bias and underdeveloped standards of “normal” society. I can’t respect someone that would intentionally lie to their loved ones to escape the ignorance of certain people.
And on a side note there are some women who even in the midst of knowing their man is on the “down low”, stick by their man for fear of being alone. No deceptive relationship is worth holding onto. There are literally billions of people in the world, you will find someone that is true to you and willing to be there for you 100%. If you’re gay be gay, don’t trick the people that care about you. It’s not fair to anybody. I threw that link in for your entertainment.
I'm gonna leave this post fairly open-ended for the simple fact that this is something that can't be fixed with one voice, and one opinion, but as only a community can change.
September 22, 2009
September 15, 2009
Sexy vs. Skanky
Sexy: wearing a lacy slip under your dress to a nice dinner date with your man.
Skanky: Wearing the same lacy slip as your dress to a dinner date with your man.
Sexy: slow dancing with a guy at the club
Skanky: dry humping with a guy on the dance floor
Sexy: showing up to your boyfriends place wearing sexy lingerie under a trench coat.
Skanky: showing up at a guy you went on two dates place wearing nothing but the trench coat.
Sexy: Classic little black dress with heels
Skanky: A too little dress that doesn't cover your butt and clear heels
Sexy: watching your man play ball at the park
Skanky: flirting with your mans friends at the park
Sexy: Getting your hair and nails done.
Skanky: Getting your hair to match your nails.
Sexy: Playing hard to get with a guy you're interested in.
Skanky: Being a total bitch to the guy you're interested in.
Sexy: Meeting up with a new guy for a lunch date.
Skanky: Meeting up with a new guy so you can hook up.
Sexy: Passionate love
Skanky: Passionate lust
Sexy: cooking a romantic candlelit dinner
Skanky: ordering dinner and claiming you cooked it.
Sexy: sending sweet texts saying "I love you"
Skanky: sending pictures of your privates
Sexy: Mini vacation to Cancun
Skanky: Mini vacation to Cancun during spring break.
September 14, 2009
Where Are the Passionate People?
I'm going to start a roll call for all the men that love passionately, in and out of the bedroom.
-The men that can make your day special just having them smile at you.
-The men that work hard every day to make a better life for himself, his family, and community.
-The men who listen to you because you want to be heard.
-The men that don't settle for easy and work for the true treasures.
-The men that don't cheat, because they know the woman at home would be devastated if he did.
-The men that know how to treat a woman's needs in the bedroom, not focused on getting his nut, but so that she's satisfied as well.
-The men that hustle the blue and white collar world instead of the streets.
-The men that can cook too.
Because I'm not biased and I believe in the values as well, where are the passionate women?
-The women that have a full-time job to bring support to their man.
-The women who are strong enough to be with a man and not for a man.
-The women who allow their men to be men, and not nag them to death with petty nonsense.
-The women who hustle their mind and not their bodies.
-The women that don't settle for less because Mr. Right hasn't shown up yet.
-The women who aren't gold-digging hussies out to get a quick payoff so they don't have to work.
-The women who enrich lives of the people around them instead of being a negative role-model in their community.
-The women who make a house a home with their love and care.
I am looking to find real people that can showcase at least some of if not all of these qualities. It seems as though people now-a-days have no sense of what is healthy and civil for people to act when it comes to relationships and community. So many people pretend to portray these attributes and lead those who are true to them down a path of wasted time and deceitful intentions. Sex, love and relationships can bring about many wonderful experiences, but can also bring on pain worse than anything you could ever physically feel. Don't mind me and my ramblings; it's just something that's been on my mind. So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night.
September 11, 2009
Phone Sex: Is it Taboo?
Phone sex started out as very taboo as most things do, and yet over time has evolved into something much bigger. Basic sexy phone conversations being something you do at night when you’re in the bed has evolved to talking dirty thru text messages any time of day. I have been in meetings, class, and in line at the bank having sex-text conversations. It’s convenient and very sexy especially when u get home to find your partner there and ready to go. Foreplay, with evolving technology is being taken to a different level. In this new age, with cell phones making people so available, it’s very easy for people to have less contact and still get just as much sex if not more to keep the intimacy alive in a relationship. There are so many options, with camera phones, text messages, verbal communication, and videos. It can go from cute little messages left for you all the way to sexy strip tease videos to show them what they will get later that night. But with all this digital intimacy, is the flair of actual bedroom pillow talk fading and becoming a thing of the past?
It has always been something that is just done and not talked about, making it taboo, but I’ve noticed with some of my friends and me especially, that we are becoming more open about it, because you can do it any time of day anywhere you get service.
As I was getting advice about this from my friends, we seemed to all say there can be many pros and cons. With phone sex, you can use your imagination and let it run wild. It can go from so sweet sincere and romantic to some of the raunchiest, kinky stuff you never thought you would do or say. It gives you the chance to let your inhibitions flow away and just be open. The biggest downfall is the lack of follow thru. You can say all these things, you can use your imagination, you can be wild, but if that’s not your personality, if that’s not how you feel or can physically let go in the bedroom, even all this digital foreplay, it can be anti-climactic, and in all honesty a let-down. I also noticed that in some cases it can begin to replace the intimacy, which when it does, you need to take a step back and re-examine the relationship. If you don’t have time for each other, why are you still together? You can only do so much phone sex, before it gets repetitive and predictable. If that’s all the intimacy you share people tend to wonder and be unfaithful. Phone sex should be something fun and exciting, a little different from the norm, not the routine.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE guys don’t let this be you
Girl: Baby I want to feel your long shaft slowly penetrating deep inside my pussy lips as I nibble on your ear lobe and feel your breathing and my breathing sync into one.
Guy: Yeah girl I want to fuck you hard.
THIS IS NOT OKAY WITH ANYONE. It will end the conversation really quick and you will feel very stupid once you decide to use your head and think about what you should have said. Take time and use your head, be creative and sexy. So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
It has always been something that is just done and not talked about, making it taboo, but I’ve noticed with some of my friends and me especially, that we are becoming more open about it, because you can do it any time of day anywhere you get service.
As I was getting advice about this from my friends, we seemed to all say there can be many pros and cons. With phone sex, you can use your imagination and let it run wild. It can go from so sweet sincere and romantic to some of the raunchiest, kinky stuff you never thought you would do or say. It gives you the chance to let your inhibitions flow away and just be open. The biggest downfall is the lack of follow thru. You can say all these things, you can use your imagination, you can be wild, but if that’s not your personality, if that’s not how you feel or can physically let go in the bedroom, even all this digital foreplay, it can be anti-climactic, and in all honesty a let-down. I also noticed that in some cases it can begin to replace the intimacy, which when it does, you need to take a step back and re-examine the relationship. If you don’t have time for each other, why are you still together? You can only do so much phone sex, before it gets repetitive and predictable. If that’s all the intimacy you share people tend to wonder and be unfaithful. Phone sex should be something fun and exciting, a little different from the norm, not the routine.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE guys don’t let this be you
Girl: Baby I want to feel your long shaft slowly penetrating deep inside my pussy lips as I nibble on your ear lobe and feel your breathing and my breathing sync into one.
Guy: Yeah girl I want to fuck you hard.
THIS IS NOT OKAY WITH ANYONE. It will end the conversation really quick and you will feel very stupid once you decide to use your head and think about what you should have said. Take time and use your head, be creative and sexy. So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
September 9, 2009
Sex with the ex: The Relationship Saga Continues Pt. 2
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and re-visit a topic, sex with an ex. Last time we talked about this, it was a “good” story. We got to experience one of the good times when sex with an ex can be fun. Now let me tell you a little story about when it can turn sour and people can get hurt…BADLY.
I was dating this guy for about 6 months, and we were friends for two years before that. I actually had the biggest crush on him long before we started to be good friends, so from the jump I was more into him than he was to me. Looking at it from the outside, it was doomed to begin with. We were lovey dovey; we even got to the point where we said I love you. So it was hard for me to let go, when he said it was too much commitment. I mean he was the one that said I love you first. I was mad, upset, bitter, angry, sad, lonely, basically every sad emotion I could be when it came to no longer being with him. Once that subsided and I could be in the same room with him without crying or wanting to kick him in the nuts, we started to talk. We began to become friends again, and had laughs and good times together. Then the infamous KISS happened and all the emotions I ever felt for him good and bad came flowing back at once. I was happy, because I was naïve to the fact that he didn’t want to be with me again, he just wanted to get laid. I was hopelessly in love with this guy who didn’t understand the emotional state I was in with him. He gave me hope when there was none so I gave him pussy, because I thought at that time it would bring us closer. So I continually got wrapped into the physical, I was getting laid, he was getting laid, but my emotions for him were getting suppressed. One day it was too much for me to handle. I had reached my breaking point and when I reached max capacity for suppressed emotion, I went into a deep depression. I wasn’t going to class, I wasn’t eating, and I wasn’t hanging out with any of my friends. I laid in my bed crying for weeks because I let him break my heart twice. I gave him control with my heart but didn’t tell him he had it. He was playing the game without knowing the rules. It took me over a year to move on and get my relationships back to normality. Now I feel bad for the guys I dated right after him, because I gave them my bitterness and anger towards men, which isn’t fair to anyone.
This here is the bad, and when I say it can get even worse please stay tuned for the next installment when it gets ugly. So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
I was dating this guy for about 6 months, and we were friends for two years before that. I actually had the biggest crush on him long before we started to be good friends, so from the jump I was more into him than he was to me. Looking at it from the outside, it was doomed to begin with. We were lovey dovey; we even got to the point where we said I love you. So it was hard for me to let go, when he said it was too much commitment. I mean he was the one that said I love you first. I was mad, upset, bitter, angry, sad, lonely, basically every sad emotion I could be when it came to no longer being with him. Once that subsided and I could be in the same room with him without crying or wanting to kick him in the nuts, we started to talk. We began to become friends again, and had laughs and good times together. Then the infamous KISS happened and all the emotions I ever felt for him good and bad came flowing back at once. I was happy, because I was naïve to the fact that he didn’t want to be with me again, he just wanted to get laid. I was hopelessly in love with this guy who didn’t understand the emotional state I was in with him. He gave me hope when there was none so I gave him pussy, because I thought at that time it would bring us closer. So I continually got wrapped into the physical, I was getting laid, he was getting laid, but my emotions for him were getting suppressed. One day it was too much for me to handle. I had reached my breaking point and when I reached max capacity for suppressed emotion, I went into a deep depression. I wasn’t going to class, I wasn’t eating, and I wasn’t hanging out with any of my friends. I laid in my bed crying for weeks because I let him break my heart twice. I gave him control with my heart but didn’t tell him he had it. He was playing the game without knowing the rules. It took me over a year to move on and get my relationships back to normality. Now I feel bad for the guys I dated right after him, because I gave them my bitterness and anger towards men, which isn’t fair to anyone.
This here is the bad, and when I say it can get even worse please stay tuned for the next installment when it gets ugly. So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
Get it, Get it now....
The average young adult in America has had sex. And how could they have not with the new norm of today’s society is that most young people, around the age of 14 and 15, are losing their virginities, because their friend did, that’s what they saw on TV, or their favorite music artist is talking about it, when not too long ago the norm was saving yourself for marriage. Even with all this change in society’s norms, there are a few people in college who still hold true and abstain from having pre-marital sex. A few of my friends in particular, have shared with me that when the topic turns to sex that sometimes they get uncomfortable, because they feel as though we are pressuring them into something without actually saying something. Most of them have said that the teasing gets old, but don’t want to give into this kind of peer pressure. Which is reasonable, who wants to say I lost my virginity because my friends wouldn’t stop teasing me? So few people realize the effect their words have on others, which leads to self-esteem issues and other problems.
So to continue, when I was talking to one of my guy friends about him still being a virgin, he said it was way harder in high school to be a virgin than in College, but life for him was improving as he got older. I think that is mostly due to him having found friends that are more mature, and don’t focus on getting laid as much as getting an education or at least don’t show it. He also said he wasn’t necessarily waiting for marriage, just for a girl that was good to him, and wouldn’t break his heart. (See ladies it goes both ways so don’t be so mean). My other friend said something similar, she was ready, but doesn’t want to feel like a piece of ass afterwards, which I totally get, nobody wants to feel like that. While at the same time, a lot of my guy friends say they don’t want to experience a virgin for the fear that they get attached as many first timers do, which is a topic for another day.
As you can tell I am very passionate when it comes to me having sex, I mean hello my whole blog, but it concerns me when my younger cousins who are 14, 16, and 18 are in the influential age group that are having sex. I’m more-so concerned for the young ones that are in high school, because high school students peer pressure about sex more than any other age group. I hope by the time you get to this point that you don’t think I’m condoning pre-marital sex in any shape form or fashion. If you are ready, go with your gut, and don’t let anyone influence you. To give my little two cents, as far as age goes, if you can’t support yourself at 15 you can’t support a baby, so you shouldn’t be doing anything you’re not prepared to deal with for the long run. It’s always okay to say no, and that goes for men and woman.
So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
So to continue, when I was talking to one of my guy friends about him still being a virgin, he said it was way harder in high school to be a virgin than in College, but life for him was improving as he got older. I think that is mostly due to him having found friends that are more mature, and don’t focus on getting laid as much as getting an education or at least don’t show it. He also said he wasn’t necessarily waiting for marriage, just for a girl that was good to him, and wouldn’t break his heart. (See ladies it goes both ways so don’t be so mean). My other friend said something similar, she was ready, but doesn’t want to feel like a piece of ass afterwards, which I totally get, nobody wants to feel like that. While at the same time, a lot of my guy friends say they don’t want to experience a virgin for the fear that they get attached as many first timers do, which is a topic for another day.
As you can tell I am very passionate when it comes to me having sex, I mean hello my whole blog, but it concerns me when my younger cousins who are 14, 16, and 18 are in the influential age group that are having sex. I’m more-so concerned for the young ones that are in high school, because high school students peer pressure about sex more than any other age group. I hope by the time you get to this point that you don’t think I’m condoning pre-marital sex in any shape form or fashion. If you are ready, go with your gut, and don’t let anyone influence you. To give my little two cents, as far as age goes, if you can’t support yourself at 15 you can’t support a baby, so you shouldn’t be doing anything you’re not prepared to deal with for the long run. It’s always okay to say no, and that goes for men and woman.
So keep sending me those questions and until the next question rolls my way much love and happiness...enjoy your night
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