Where I am!

My heart is damaged, bruised, beaten into submission, and still pumping. I have taken all that I can and more. You told me how I felt, what I could handle, and who I was. In doing this, you lied to me and you lied to yourself. I was born into strength, built for royalty and taught how to keep it. The core of my identity has been shaken, but I am still here. Love is not a feeling or emotion that escapes me. No man, woman or child on the face of this Earth will destroy me. Only God can judge me and only I can live for me.

Things that make my heart flutter

• Forehead kisses
• Cute quality time
• Bringing me my favorite cheesecake when I'm mad at you (plain with chocolate sauce drizzled on top)
• When you talk sports with me
• Caressing my back down my spine
• Sexing me the way i love
• Surprising me with spontaneity
• Hugging me from behind and kissing my neck
•  Holding me close to your body and grabbing my booty

The lost love of a lifetime ago

In the still of the night, I feared the lack of your presence

It made me wonder what I said or did that you didn’t like?

Are you leaving because you laid with me and you’re done?

Are you gone in the night because you don’t love me like you say you do?

I gave you everything you ever needed and wanted

Money, cars, clothes…and I was your hoe

The essence of my innocence

I can remember that moment down to the date

Down to the time

Down to the tears

I gave so much of me I lost who I was raised to be.

A Queen

I treated you like my king

The way I saw my mother treat my father

The way my grandmother treated my grand father

The way I heard stories of my Motherdear waiting on my pa pa hand and foot

Some days didn’t feel right, but I loved you so it didn’t matter

Some days were hard, but I didn’t want to be alone

I was raised by royalty

Treated like a princess

My every need catered to

I never yearned for love the way I hurt for it with you.

You have broken me down to the point where I can’t hold my head high

Because of all the self doubt you have instilled in my once strong heart and mind.

Saying what you need to, to get what you want from me

I listen like the naïve girl I was

And let you take all that I am till I am bitter and angry.

My strength was built from a negative place

So when I finally left,

I was like a fallen empire

I felt like a royal that had met the fate of the rebels.

I wanted nothing to do with men

And even though it comes from a place of fear and pain,

It was expressed through anger and callous behavior.

With time the pain is lessened,

I smile more

I laugh more

I am who I am more

I’ve taken back my throne

And now I’m waiting for the right king to put by my side

I still miss you J.

I yearn for you when I'm not in your presence. The smooth touch of your chocolate skin against my caramel brown. It would make a sweet tooth ache from the goodness to be had. I smiled when I looked in your eyes and your smile back made me blush and look away. The shy game, we know this well; biting lips to fight urges, clenching fists to say what our mouths will not allow us to, our eyes meeting filled with passion. My mind is racing with thoughts of ecstasy, as I long for your body pressed against mine. What I want you to do to me, and what I want to do to you. Tasting every inch of your chocolate, watching you melt away in my mouth. Going deeper and deeper with every swallow of your shaft, the warmth of my tongue wrapped around you, and you love it. I begin kissing along the center of your stomach as I work my way up to your neck, slowly sliding your dick past my pussy lips as I allow you to penetrate me. My breasts bouncing up and down as I ride you like a stallion.

The fought urges from the moment I fell in love with you till the moment I let you go would make a sinner blush. The hurt in my heart will never go away. Don't tell me you love when you actions say different. Don't tell me I'm yours when you do everything the opposite. Don't pull me back in if things have not changed. It is too hard to let go, when your heart doesn't want to.

The fuck I look like...

Fuck I look like
Jumping through hoops to impress you,
Mr movie star
Mr rapper (my album dropping soon)
Mr I’m just a thug trying to hustle my way out the hood
Like for real, the fuck I look like

Can’t find a man about something real, but I’m the problem
I must be too picky
I must be a slut
I must not know how to be submissive.
Shut my mouth like a good girl
Give him what he wants
While he’s out around town
And I’m sitting at home by the phone hoping he calls to give me some affection

I got so lost in the darkness of the fake that I can’t see the realness in the light.
So surrounded by the jokes, I’m suffocated with lies
Listening to false statements like a press release
“She's a non-factor babe or I didn't sleep with her she lying”

I’m gonna play my part
Sit back and wait
See what happens and try not to get lost in the mix

Nothing worse...

Than a good looking chocolate man with no sense of culture, history, or pride in self. I wanted it be more, because your character is strong, sweet and genuine. Your lust for life is sub-par and your sense of spontaneity and adventure leaves much to be desired. You look great on paper, but you are a bore in person. such a waste