This Is Me...

This is me

I am perfectly imperfect

I make mistakes

I don't choose wisely

I do before I think

But with all my flaws and shortcomings

I still carry on

I have been at the wrong end of a suicide note

alcohol bottle and 

someones sexual misconduct.

I don't know which choice will be next,

and I don't know if I will make the right one

but I do know that whatever happens

will only add to the masterpiece that is me

I am a perfect storm of 

tranquil serenity and

crumbled ambitions.

I am the best and worst a person can be

Hand carved imperfections into flawless stone

Once a choice is made it is left cemented in me

only to be smoothed with the care and nurture of others.

This is me

I am perfectly imperfect

I make mistakes

I don't choose wisely

I do before I think

I am always a work in progress

You have no idea...

You have no idea how badly I want to hate you for all that you put me through, but at this point I only hate myself for still thinking of you, hoping that one day you and I can be together. You were in my world for 5 years and never made me yours, and I waited like a naive girl to think you would ever change. I hate that I can't shake the thought of you, I hate that I know you still care, I hate all the circumstances surrounding us, but I mostly hate that I can't hate you. It has weighed on my heart for far too long and I have denied myself closure far to many times. I am a broken mess, but the one person I want to talk to, hurts me more than any situation I could possibly be in.

Ideals...

Use my intimate feelings of desire for you to sexualize my fantasies of loving you. 

I want you in a way you've never felt before.

I want to love your soul from the inside out.

Breathe life into your voice with every kiss down your spine.

Stroke your ego till you climax in strength.

Become the man capable of holding the world on your shoulders

Knowing your new world will be born between my legs.

Figure out our life together with every kiss

The desire of the unattainable...

I fantasize about your hands tracing my curves,
grabbing hold of my body and
teasing my soft skin.
The thought of you sends chills down my spine and
sensations through my body.
I lust for you next to me,
I yearn for the time I see you,
I crave the scent of your cologne.

It's been a while...

It has been quite some time since I shared some of my thoughts or stories on here, and in all honesty, I haven't written in a week. My thoughts keep moving, but my pen lays still. I am ready to get back in the lab and tap into my creative flow, my mind finally in a space not bogged down with external factors. I'm excited about what will come out, and I hope people will enjoy!