Welcome to a New Year!

Most people have completed their first day of resolutions, and that's where it ends. For me, I resolve to not make any new years resolutions. If I can't start it at any point in the year, then the first of the year isn't going to make much of a difference. One of the biggest things I'm working on to improve is how often I write. This blog is going to take a little directional turn. I want it to become more of a journal without losing the charms that have made it into what it is. Just kind of a tracker of me staying committed to writing and improving my skills to get better and better. so I hope I don't lose anyone, but you can expect a lot more from me in the coming days/months/year!

Happy New Years Eve!!

While I know many of my friends are out partying it up and ringing in the new year tonight with drunken escapades, comedy shows and possibly some poor decisions that they will find joy in later, I will be at home tonight resting up from my stay at the hospital and getting better. I love and appreciate all those that called and text me while I was down for the count so to speak, and checked on my well being and made sure I was doing alright. It was most of my usual suspects and some surprises, which I am pleased about. But enough about that, it is the last day of 2012 and I am glad I made it to the end. I hope everyone enjoys their parties, cuddling, and/or shows tonight. Happy New Years and Happy Holidays!

 Before I forget, I want to wish my sister a Happy Birthday. She is an amazing woman that has a lovely husband and beautiful child. She deserves the world and more so everyone have an extra sip for her!

2012: A Reflection of the Times

Let me start out by saying I had a lot of fun this year, a lot of laughs, a lot of memories made. To the counter, I had a lot of heartache, a lot of cries, and a lot of things I wish had gone differently. So with every year ending people always make the same promises to do better, to be better, and to change completely from who they were. I'm not going to do that, because realistically I am who I am, small changes will yield big results, but 2013 for me is about improving who I am.
Some Highlights of the year:

• my beautiful energetic niece was born in my awesome month of March
• I got closer with some good friends
• I learned to let love in
• my dad and I built our relationship back up
• my sister visited a few times with the baby so I got to play and get to know her little personality
• built some great friendships on the internet (tumblr, twitter, facebook, google +, and instagram)
• had some amazing sexcapades
• random summer missions and fun adventures
• trips to San Diego

Just to name a few of the highlights of the year, these made my year worth living and I want to repeat and continue these in the coming year. I would also like to propose a little list of things I'd like to see accomplished in 2013. We will see if I can get there soon or not, but I'm putting the good vibes out there to make it happen.

• publish a book
• successfully launch my passion party business
• journal/blog much more often
• be open to more experiences in the love department and be patient
• make more memories

So 2013 lets let the good times keep on rollin!

A plaguing question...

Why is it so hard for me to let me be happy?

I messed up a situation with a potentially great guy, because I wasn't patient. But looking back at it, its hard to trust my judgement on the whole situation. To many factors to take into consideration.

• We had an understanding between us, and then feelings changed (on both ends)
• He couldn't give me what I wanted, but didn't want to let me go
• I couldn't give him what he wanted, but I didn't want to let him go
• He's still figuring himself out, and I'm good with where I am
• It hurts to think we could have done something great together

Things like this happen and my quick decision making may have shot me in the foot, but I hope it's not a wound that won't heal. It may be wobbly, but hopefully in time it will get better, but until then, I guess I suffer through my mistakes and learn from them.

Post 300!!!!!

Well it has been about 3 years since I started this blog and I have finally made it to post 300. We have shared many stories, topics of interest, and my creativity with my own sexuality. Kisses to all those that have been there since the beginning and to all those that are there now. I Love You!!

Love Always,

Dymond Diva

How do I know it's real?

My soul is tainted by the negativity run rampant in my choices.
My mind broken to the ideas of happily ever after.
My body used and abused by life, love and the journey.
My spirit gone only to be replenished by God's grace when I truly accept him.

This world doesn't always feel like we are meant to be together, so at night before I slumber, I pray that tomorrow brings clarity. My emotions and my actions being tested by what is to come, giving false hope for survival and masked by fake strength. Perseverance determined by still being alive, but if all I am is an empty shell am I really alive or am I conforming to what the world expects me to be when given life?

How do I know what's real and meant to be, when I am surrounded by fake truths and false prophets?

-untitled-

"The strength of a man doesn't come from the power he can control in his muscles, it comes from the integrity of his heart and the showcase of his character. " -Dymond Diva

10 Things to get done before 30

1. Publish a book: whether it is my" memoir so far" or my collection of sex chronicles. 
2. Cross Country Road Trip: Pack up for three weeks and see the sites of the nation. Either in an RV or a rental car.
3. Passion Parties: Done my way. No cut and dry script or set packages. Me being a hostess, knowing what i'm doing, what i'm talking about, and socializing these women to get the pleasure they deserve from sex. 
4. Get Healthy: Not just lose weight, but get better eating patterns and a regular exercise routine.
5. Love: Not sex or getting married or anything unrealistic like that, but love myself, be open to accepting love and giving love to others.
6. Travel to Exotic Places: Places that I have never been, places I want to explore fully and places I can rediscover culture.
7. Move Out of LA: For a while, like a year or so. These are a few places i'm considering, New York, San Francisco, New Orleans, Atlanta, and Houston.
8. Learn a new language: become as fluent as possible and travel to the country of origin to experience it fully.
9. Volunteer: mentor program, soup kitchen, sexual abuse counseling, or some other variety.
10. Date: demand better from my suitors and offer more as a woman. 

Can I Just Say....

• If you know more about reality shows and celebrity gossip than you do current events, we might need to re-evaluate our friendship.
• When you think its cute to be ratchet and be on the guest list at every "Hollywood" event instead of taking care of your children, we don't have anything to talk about.
• Blaming ALL of your issues on the actions of others instead of taking responsibility for it yourself, you might need to re-evaluate your life.
• If you would rather smoke a bowl/blunt than be on time for anything you are part of whats wrong with society
• When the only time you want to make changes in your life are at the end and beginning of the year, you're just sad, because change can happen at any time in the pursuit of growth.

These are just a few of my rantings, that have really been weighing on my heart. So much foolishness I see, and it's just bothering me.

Adrenaline Junkie

Adrenaline pulsing through my body, all I want is your body on top of mine with you deep inside me. Tasting every inch of your sweaty chest as you thrust deep within my pussy walls. I bite you, and I grip my freshly manicured nails into your back. You let out a manly grunt and dig deeper inside me. I release a moan of ecstasy as you have reached a pleasure unknown to me before. I can't hold back the screams of deep penetration. When I climax my body quakes and my legs shiver. I am utterly satisfied and yet my body is glutton for more of you. You slide out of me making me quiver and shake with the slow anticipation of you thrusting back in me. After you leave my body I wrap my legs around your ankles so that I may grip your hard dick around my lips and deep down my throat. Surprised by my actions you grip my sheets and curl your toes. Popping up and grabbing my hair, I slide you down my throat and when I come up I grab your shaft and begin stroking. Up and down in a smooth motion with a twist at the top I grip it a little tighter. With your dick so hard I can feel the veins throbbing ready to blow so I stop and climb on top of you. I want to feel you explode inside me. So as I slide down on top of you I can feel you release against my walls and cream on the lips of my pussy as I pop up off your dick. I collapse on the bed next to you staring at the ceiling as I listen to your heart beat and relax in perfect unison, thinking about the next time we meet for some adrenaline.

So what's on the table?

Well let me start by saying going through therapy wasn't easy, dealing with my past trauma and relationship baggage. When I started healing, I knew things would be alright. So let me get back to the title of this post, What's on the table? I had a long conversation with one of my friends whose opinion I trust. I told her children are still not on the table, but me being open to the idea of marriage is there. So if I find someone that wants to marry me as much as I want to marry them, we can maybe make this happen. Just wanted to put that good juu-juu out there. I am no longer running from love and true happiness with a companion. My wise friend told me that no matter if you are married or not, everyone needs a lifelong companion. Truer words were never spoken.

Show Me What You Mean

Love me like the girls you look at when we're together.

Give me attention like you give your boys when we kick it.

Cherish our time together when I'm not fucking your brains out.

Want me the way I wanted you in the  beginning. 

I guess that's too much to ask from a man that thinks he's too good for me.

I guess it too easy to get lost in craziness that is life.

I guess I wasn't worth the extra effort.

Be the man that your momma raised you to be.

Be the man that your father taught life lessons to

Be the man that your parents showed how to love, not how your boys conditioned you to.

I Feel Some Type of Way...

You ask me where my boyfriend is, as a compliment to say that you find me attractive so I should have a boyfriend. Yet in the same moment before that, you ask me for my number. What does that say about your perception of me that I would even give you my number if I was talking to some one else. So your backhanded compliment has now turned in to my own evaluation of your mentality. You think all women would be that foul, probably because a woman you dealt with in the past has treated you that way. So you hold it against me when I've done nothing but be in your presence. Like the title says, I feel some type of way, because you have now started this off on a negative note, and i really don't think it is possible to recover.

Growth Within

Accepting my own flaws and shortcomings and learning from them to be a better me, I have come to realize that I am ready for a partner that can truly appreciate the love I have to give. I have a past that is no longer me, and I have a future that I intend to grab hold of completely. I need someone with the mental capacity to challenge me and the physical capacity to satisfy me. I need him to learn from me as a I learn from him, feeding each other knowledge and growing in character, success and love. Whole hearted acceptace of the things we can and cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. Things worthy of fighting for in each other and not losing our identities because we have come together, but rather playing off of them to shine even brighter.

Yeah...I'm ready for this type of love...

Can you Learn?

Things I wish I could have said...

to a couple of my exes...

I can live with a broken heart, tending to the battle scars of love, but I can't live with a man that is selfish enough to say he still loves me after breaking my heart. If you left me, that means my heart isn't over you, like you are over me. For you to make yourself feel better and make it seem not so bad by saying you still love me, is only going to hurt me more when you move on and I have reinvested in your lies of mutual love. It is hard to let anyone go, this is just a fact, and holding onto them once you let them go giving hope to something that will never be is a cruel way of living life. So if you are a past love and you're reading this, let me go. Just let go, because I have let all of you go, keeping only the lessons and memories.

Exactly What I Needed...

My good-bye to you, because he is everything you're not, and in the midst of me realizing you're not it, he made sure he was it, for me. His smile lit up the room in the darkest of night. He grabbed me close while I danced with him, and I rode him like you wished I would have done for you. He penetrated my body in ways you fell very short. He was exactly what I needed to move on from you. The sweet taste of him inside me as he hit deep down my throat and the edges of my walls, will always be something you could never understand. So I hope you enjoy who ever puts up with your shit, because my rebound has replaced any thought of you. He is everything you're not, and in the midst of me realizing you could never be it, he made sure he was it, for me. Raw passion and unwavering ecstasy brought on by flirtatious vibes, stolen glances, and intimate kisses. He is exactly what I needed.

Things I Live By

These are a few things people should know about me to better understand who I am and where I'm coming from when they interact with me. So sit back and enjoy!

1. Don't give a fuck what others think. Talk all the shit you want to, because it won't break me, I got me. I'm gonna do me and nothing and nobody can change that.
2. Challenge Authority. Not in a condescending manner, but make it known that you are not an idiot and will not put up with such foolishness. 
3. Let go of past heartache and keep hold of the lessons. Don't let it dictate your life or your happiness.
4. Indulge in things that make you happy. I don't mean in a greedy or unhealthy way, but take the time to enjoy the things that put a smile on your face and warmth in your heart.
5. Spontaneous adventure is good for the soul. Don't be reckless, but live a little. Step outside your comfort zone and push the limits of the norm. Only you can live your life, so live it to the fullest!
6. Don't stress over the small things. This is something I'm working on personally, but I stand behind it all the way. Stressing over things you cannot change only hurts you in the long run.

I can't give away all my secrets, but these are a few I think are shown in my everyday actions. If you have any questions, ask away! I'm always here to answer them :)

You're the past, so stay there!

• Why do my good vibes of my own happiness always manifest in the world and send signals to the tough past relationships to stir the pot and truly test me? 
• Why can we only be friends when I'm hung up on you, but not when you are hung up on me? 
• Why is it that the moment I'm dating or happy with someone new, you always pop out of all places tempting me to come back with tall tales of you've changed, and this time will be better? 
• Why do I allow you to break my heart every time?

Just a few things running through my mind when I think about a couple of dudes from my past. You guys do the same thing around the same time every year. I hope you had fun this time, because its the last time I allow you back in my world. We have nothing to say, and we have nothing left to do. I told Him to protect me from my enemies and I lost you and other friends. You have tested me for the last time, my patience for you is done, my tolerance of you is over, my heart no longer beats to your drum but now my own. You are no longer in rhythm with me so our song is over, our melody lost and tune complete. 

Down and Out for a While

I hate doing the woe is me posts, but ya girl is really feeling down. Not even needing to vent, but my mentality is not up to par right now. I am feeling something sad deep within that may have been suppressed for a while, and is now forcing its way out. So if I'm mean or grumpy with you, I'm so sorry, don't take it personal. I gotta let out the emotion in a constructive way before I destroy friendships and prospective relationships ;)

Don't worry, I'll be back to my usual self in no time, stay tuned for my cynical side to come out for a bit, and possibly my mushy side.

Love always,

Dymond Diva