The lost love of a lifetime ago

In the still of the night, I feared the lack of your presence

It made me wonder what I said or did that you didn’t like?

Are you leaving because you laid with me and you’re done?

Are you gone in the night because you don’t love me like you say you do?

I gave you everything you ever needed and wanted

Money, cars, clothes…and I was your hoe

The essence of my innocence

I can remember that moment down to the date

Down to the time

Down to the tears

I gave so much of me I lost who I was raised to be.

A Queen

I treated you like my king

The way I saw my mother treat my father

The way my grandmother treated my grand father

The way I heard stories of my Motherdear waiting on my pa pa hand and foot

Some days didn’t feel right, but I loved you so it didn’t matter

Some days were hard, but I didn’t want to be alone

I was raised by royalty

Treated like a princess

My every need catered to

I never yearned for love the way I hurt for it with you.

You have broken me down to the point where I can’t hold my head high

Because of all the self doubt you have instilled in my once strong heart and mind.

Saying what you need to, to get what you want from me

I listen like the naïve girl I was

And let you take all that I am till I am bitter and angry.

My strength was built from a negative place

So when I finally left,

I was like a fallen empire

I felt like a royal that had met the fate of the rebels.

I wanted nothing to do with men

And even though it comes from a place of fear and pain,

It was expressed through anger and callous behavior.

With time the pain is lessened,

I smile more

I laugh more

I am who I am more

I’ve taken back my throne

And now I’m waiting for the right king to put by my side