I Swear...

What angers me most about him is not that he kept breaking my heart, not that he finally loves himself, not even that he is no longer a part of my life, its the fact that I'm the one that has to deal with the emotional baggage of having gotten excited about the possibilities of him again and he proving to me why I shouldn't have given him yet another chance. He has never been worth the turmoil because he never really loved me as much as he said he did, and come to think of it he never really could. I sat down and had a conversation with him about why I should even deal with him at this point and I went against all of my rules and red flags because I still loved him and gave him one more chance to be in my world. From the deepest part of my heart, my soul, my being, FUCK HIM. Don't come around my house, don't call me in a year, forget you even know me. I don't care if my whole family is murdered and its on the news, I don't want to hear from you ever again. I hate you in the deepest parts of my heart. I don't even want you to be happy is how much I hate you right now. I'm sure it will lessen over time, and I will hope happiness finds you, but at this point FUCK YOU. I don't want to be angry, but to give someone so much of your energy for bullshit...makes me so mad. I planned a life you, what our wedding would be like, what our home would be, how we would support each other. You gotta be out your fucking mind if you think I have any love left for you. I'm done with you and with us.