Stop Playing...Where's the Rest of it?

I got a bone to pick with guys that have little penises, no pun intended. How do you fix your mouths to say you need a magnum when we both know you can't fill it out. Like how dare you ask me if I got the magnums when clearly you need a baby condom for your tiny dick. Like who are you trying to fool with this gold wrapper, i am the one you except to suck this thing and have it inside me, i can see that it's small.

*Personal Philosophy: If I can't hold the penis and still fit it in my mouth its too small for me to suck and i won't do it* 

Magnums are not magic, they don't instantly make your penis grow, so stop wasting my magnums and my time. Get a condom that fits, Lifestyles and Trojans work just fine. Please make sure if you get the flavored ones that its only for foreplay not intercourse, they weren't designed with penetration in mind.

Approachable?

I don't know if I should be flattered or slightly offended that a married couple would approach me and ask me to be apart of their threesome. I mean on the one hand, i would be totally down and I am flattered that they think I am hot. Then again on the other hand, kind of awkward to come into a relationship and openly be the other woman for both of them, while also taking into account that i could possibly look like I am just DTF (down to fuck). I would think nothing of it if this happened to me only once, but this has happened several different times mainly while I was at school in Hawaii, and a couple times when I was home in California. I've never accepted mainly because its awkward, and I would much rather not be in that whole mix if something were to happen out of the norm.

The Art of a Kiss

How or where rather, do people learn to kiss? This is a question that plagues me. I have made out with some guys recently that just did not know what they were doing. You see it in the movies that girls learn by experimenting with each other and guys learn from practicing on pillow, mirrors, anything that has a surface. When it comes to reality though, is this the way kids now a days learn. When it gets to adulthood does bad kissing just transfer from person to person, and nobody helps others to get better. Sloppy kisses are not cute, dry kisses are gross and bad breath is just a given no-no. There is a certain etiquette i feel is lacking with today's young adults or 20-somethings i should say.
*Sloppy-Joe*
This is the kissing that could possibly cause you to drown fatally in a pool of their saliva.This can also lead to a string of spit connecting the two of you, your nose and chin being covered in saliva, and difficulty breathing anything but their spit. As unattractive as this sounds it feels even worse. Very common in people with big lips who haven't learned control of how much they moisten them and people with small lips trying to overcompensate for their partner's bigger lips.

*Ashes to Ashes*
Dry lips are not fun. all it takes is a little carmex, chap stick, Vaseline, hell even a little olive oil would work in my eyes. Nothing kills the mood quicker than someone with dry lips trying to suck the moisture out of my face through kissing. Common among people who smoke and those who don't drink water. People with big lips have been known to not pay attention to the dryness because of the excessive amounts of chap stick they have to use. Those with smaller lips are more prone to it, because they forget about their lips and don't notice till they are kissing someone with moist and/or full lips.

*Ole' Onion Breath*
You would think people would be more aware of bad breath in general, but I can't tell you how many times I have been in the presence of someone that smokes a lot or drinks a lot and they have no consideration for the foulness that comes from their mouth. Brush your teeth, chew some gum, use a little mouthwash something. This can attack anyone at anytime, so try to keep mints, gum, or them cute little wisp things handy. Common in those who drink coffee, smoke, eat stinky foods (ie onions, garlic, foreign cheeses).

Kisses should be sweet, tender, and passionate, not abrasive and possibly offensive. learn the etiquette, get the technique down pact and use mints even if you just brushed your teeth. A little extra mint never hurt anyone.

Where ya head at?

We've all been there, that person that has decided that they are amazing in bed yet in every aspect of bedroom fun they fall short. (pun intended) when it comes to dick skills i can give a they need to try harder pass but when it comes to giving oral you better know what the hell you're doing. A woman's vagina is not the sphinx, you don't need a combination to get to the g-spot, you don't need the key to knock out the multiple O door.
Without a doubt unless this is the first time you have ever read my blog will you have read one of my stories about good cunnilingus I have received and maybe a few times when it wasn't so great. To say the least I am about to call some folk out who lack in their head skills.

• If you are going down on me and doing some half ass licking I will grab my phone and start texting.
• If you feel the need to bite my vagina like its a piece a steak i'm going to slap you, you want me to bite your dick then knock it off
• Just because you're a boy doesn't mean you can let your nails do whatever. Scratching my pussy is not okay
• My pussy is already wet, I don't need all your extra slobbery mess all down there. The only thing left on your face should be my juices.
• If you don't know what you doing don't act like you bout to "eat it up" when we both know you barely touched a pussy let alone been face to face with one

With all epic entries there comes a story. I was for the first time hooking up with a random while completely intoxicated, and I had previously been deprived of sex in all forms for the last month, so inhibitions!?! what are those? We start making out and it gets hot and heavy clothes are coming off and i go in for the feel up, and in the most awkward, unpleasant, almost rude way I look up at him and ask "where's the rest of it?". At this point ego is probably really bruised, so i try to smooth things over. *Personal Philosophy* I don't suck small penises, so he's not getting head from me. We continue to make out for some time then he moves down my body so i'm like okay lets hope the head game is right at least and maybe i'll consider penetration. he starts going at it and i'm at this point thinking about what shows i want to make sure i catch on TiVo when I get home. I try to reach for my phone, but can't. OH GOD i wish my desk was closer i already bruised his ego now its about to shatter. "Ugh get off me, i'm drunk but damn its supposed to be better" so he gathers his clothes and leaves my room super pissed off and probably embarrassed. I lock my door and go on back to sleep.

If you want to hear about a good experience I had with the head game check out Story Time.

People can we please step our head game up before we get embarrassed like this. I love good sex, and i can be your biggest advocate, but at the same time I will call you out on some whack sex game and not be nice about it. Get it together! *THAT IS ALL*