I still remember

I still remember laying there lifeless
a shell in my body
feeling completely empty.

I wanted it to end,
feeling disgraced and like it was my fault
I wore a dress that night
maybe showed a little to much cleavage.

Asking for it
I knew what I was doing right?
I must have,
wearing the tightest hottest dress that would flatter my body.

I looked like the baddest chick there.
Freshly turned 18 and ready for this party.

We flirted from the time I got there.
He made me a drink and it was pretty strong, but I was more mature now right?
I could handle it.
I'm a grown up playing with the college kids.

We danced till my feet hurt,
He showed me to the back room so I could
"lay down and relax"
Even offered me a foot massage

He went and brought me some water,
but it tasted different even a little weird.
I didn't think anything of it.

I couldn't see the door at this point
Not sure if the lights are out or my eyes are closed.
but I can feel someone touching me
Breathing on me
Their tongue in places I wasn't okay with

He lays on top of me and whispers in my ear,
"You are such a pretty girl"

I can feel a tear fall out of the corner of my eye
As he penetrates my body
I lost my essence in that moment.

It may have only lasted a few moments but
It will stay in my heart and mind for an eternity.

He gets dressed and leaves me there exposed
like a whore on display.
My body feels numb and I can't move.

On the inside I feel ashamed and disgusted.
I am never again going to be me.
Trying so hard to let out my voice,
I can only push out tears of sadness.

The shell of the girl I used to be remains.
I claw my way into a dark corner to hide from it all.
Physically I am fine.
Emotionally I am toxic.

Stained, Damaged, and scared for the rest of my life.