You Ever Wonder?

When I think about the times I should have said no to him, it just makes me laugh. Where would I be in my emotional health if I didn't fuck with certain individuals. Like if I told Jayson I wasn't interested the first time we spoke or if I told Alex I wanted to try again the first time we stopped fucking with each other. Where would I be if Moses never cheated on me, where would I be if I kept walking and didn't stop to talk to Lee. Like these men have shaped and molded how I interact with men, and all of them are out of my life for very different reasons. Would I trust men more if I stopped letting people in early or after the fact when I let them come back. I don't know where I'll end up as far as my relationships go, but I know where I've been and what hasn't worked. I guess that's the point of playing the dating game, but when does the game become to much and you just throw in the towel. 

I'm barely 26 years old and already sick of dating. Not to say I will never find anyone, but mostly because I am sick of giving more of my heart to people that on;y give me pieces. Yeah that's something I have to work on, but I don't know how else to love. So why can't I find someone that will love me the way I love? Why must I put all my heart into my work or friends because I don't want to feel lonely. Yes I am complete in other areas, but to say my heart doesn't need someone is a lie. We all do in some form or another. The only thing left for me to balance is LOVE.