Broken House

So my house was broken into last night...nobody home so feeling very blessed, but the violation of someone going through my belongs, breaking furniture, and wasting my time is hard to overcome. Thankful nobody was hurt, and glad we are able to afford the repairs, just distraught that after 15 years of living here something like this would happen.

Be safe and stay positive. Blessings come in all shapes and forms.

Happy New Year!

This is how I feel about my writing. I feel as though I let myself down when I stopped writing to focus on other aspects in my life. The turmoil I went through last year left me with so much on my mind and in my soul. Writing is the best therapist because sometimes the only thing that will listen is a piece of paper.

My Abandoned Child...

I missed you guys...I didn't realize how much I missed blogging until I was venting on my other social sites and someone was like why don't you start a blog.The topic is neither here nor there, but  *light bulb* oh that's right I have two that I have neglected all year. I'll be posting shortly with an update on everything that has gone on this year and hopefully about some changes coming soon.

Behind Closed Doors

We talk about things that happen after dark with our friends, sometimes with our lovers, and most certainly never with people that are educated on the subject at hand. From embarrassment about the taboo nature of things to society and media shoving it down our throats, where can we get the information we need from a safe environment? I hope to create that safe haven. Not only do I sell adult products but I encourage my customers to ask questions, and find out more when they need to. Stop by my shop and see what I have to offer. www.productsofbcd.com

Writer's Therapy...

Having had conversations with my favorite people they noticed my mood changing, my complete essence shifting. I have bottled up so much of me, and failed to express it the way I should. I was asked when was the last time I posted, hell the last time I picked up a pin that wasn't for work or someone else. It had been so long I couldn't remember till I checked on here. It was a sad day when I realized my ultimate passion was taking a backseat to me living the adult life . I feel like I betrayed myself. I let go of a big part of me, and my emotional health suffered. With that being said I have been working on me to gain a renewed sense of self that I needed to connect with. I'm not going to promise to keep posting, but I will make the effort.

Lets explore some things...

In case y'all didn't know, I have an online store that sells adult toys. If I don't have it available, let me know what you're looking for, and I'll help you out.

Shop Here: Behind Closed Doors

Nothing but Love 2k15

It took me a long time to realize he didn't deserve my love. year after year, I went back to him and let him in my world. He would be mad if I said he never loved me, but it's true. He was in love with the made up life we dreamed together. He never loved me in my entirety. He wasn't down for my emotional health, he was down to talk about what could be. He wasn't down for my need of consistency, he was down with coming around when he needed me. I constantly side stepped and walked on eggshells to make sure I wouldn't make him mad at me for feeling how I felt. Now that he's out of my life for good, it feels good to not care about how my words will affect him. His feelings, and opinions about me don't matter anymore. So yeah it took me a long time to realize he wasn't the man for me, and that I deserved someone that wanted me, not just the idea of me. I shed a lot of tears for him and a few others in 2014, but those tears will nourish the seeds I planted for the coming year. Investing in me, and staying away from toxic people, relationships and more.

Wife Em Up!

I haven't had my cookies dipped in a while. My best friend has noticed the difference in me. Not in a bad way, but in a way of growth. I am realizing more about myself. I want to get laid, but not by any dude. Not by someone from the old roster, or a repeat backslide like I used to do. Don't get me wrong the struggle is real, and I want to slip and slide to my worst one, but I've been loving me for too long to let the physical want outweigh the emotional need for a better connection. I am always me, and very comfortable in my sensual sexual nature, but I want more. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband. I want a partner, a supporter, a best friend that will love me till the end of time. I'm ready to be the partner a good man needs, the wife, woman, and mother of his kids. His best friend, his confidant, chef, personal cheerleader, therapist, and nurse when he needs it. I don't trust the men of this generation to treat me the way I would treat them, because they have yet to prove to me that they can do that. So when I say these men ain't real, they ain't loyal, they not it, I don't mean all of them, the ones that I have encountered in any respect so far. I know there is quality out there, but I've been too wrapped up in past bullshit to look for what I know I'm worthy of receiving. I'm ready to be a wife, not a long term girlfriend, casual hook-up, or a repeat/redo.

Changing the World, One Word at a Time! | The Queen Latifah Show

The End of an Era

For so many years, I have struggled with letting people stay in my life that didn't belong. Now as I close the chapter of having negative people from my past influence who I am today, I have to just let out a sigh of relief. I accept the things I played a role in, and I have learned greatly from that. Moving forward has been a trying time for me, but I am in a better place. No longer apologizing for being selfish in keeping me healthy and happy. I'm sure there are a few people I am hurting by letting them go, but not allowing them to hurt me anymore is more important to me. Wise enough to realize one sided relationships and strong enough to let them go. Don't get me wrong this isn't a new year new me post, but just kind of a hey this is where I've been with the last little bit of my year and I'm sharing this as I move forward. A cleanse of palette for the new year. Same great me, but remixed and refreshed for another year in this journey. 

I wish you all many blessings, good tidings and an always prosperous new year.

Love always,

Dymond Diva  

Shocker…people are terrible and petty

It never ceases to amaze me how petty people are. You wish you could be in my world. I live the care free life you wish you had, so you look down on my choices because you're stuck in your world. Sweetheart, you can ask about anything I've done and I'll tell you the truth about it. However, don't confuse my past sexual conduct with an opportunity to ever add me as a notch on your belt. While I may be promiscuous in my habits, I am never easy and never willing to deal with your bullshit. Like you wish you could fuck me, but I'm a slut and whore because I will literally fuck anyone else before I even breathe in your direction. Spread the lies, the drama, the thirst only way you know how. Don't step to me on some bullshit because you think I'm easy, because I will be the most difficult part of your life to date.

Story of my life...

In a constant state of :

"I met a new boy"

*2 days later* "Nevermind" 

He got me distracted...

Why do I have such a weakness for chocolate men with dimples. Like every time I see one I lose all common sense, I don't even care if he fuck up my credit, drive my car, or get me pregnant. I know he ain't shit, but he just look so fucking good, and the dick probably bomb too. They are my kryptonite for real. "How you do that?" How you got me acting a fool?" I hate them, but I love them. Sitting at Starbucks working on my blog, if he don't stop staring at me like he want to devour this pussy I'm going to fuck around and give it to him. Ain't nobody playing with you boy, I got shit to do.

Quoted...

"Niggas will literally beg for your time, then waste it."

I'm sure they mean well...

They want the best for you, but they don't always understand the cost of your happiness. They push you to be successful but not happy. The two are rarely seen as synonymous especially in parent eyes. Wanting to know that if anything happens to them you will be okay. My occupation shouldn't dictate that, but knowing that you raised me well should. if you still have any question, don't blame them for lack of parenting, you didn't teach them everything you know. Encourage what they learned on their own and support their goals to be happy and successful. You missed your opportunity to teach them at a young age, so don't hold it against your adult child.

Double Life...

It took me far too long to get the clarity of mind that I have about my life. I have snuck around for years to live my double life, and I couldn't submerge myself in either life without my happiness suffering. So I live in a perpetual state of trying not to fail while keeping my life a float. I am at a breaking point where I am no longer trying to lead a life that makes someone else happy, but lead a life that brings me joy. If I am constantly living to appease someone else so that I have a safe place, is it really a safe place? It makes me angry to know that I have to hide part of me, but how long can I hide before it completely breaks my spirit. I am tired of feeling mediocre when I know I'm better, but with my life divided and spread too thin, I cannot grow. I'm fucking tired...I'm done with complacency and the leverage other people try to have over what I do. I am my own person, 26 years old and sick to death of old tired methodology trying to constrict the natural evolution of my creativity. I'm strong enough to know that I've been held down emotionally, but not strong enough to fight it. I'm strong enough to recognize my shortcomings, but not yet wise enough to change them. I have learned what I life I want to live, so no more doubles, just one.
I am strong.
I am powerful.
I am ME.

Just wait on it!

Behind Closed Doors

My online store is up and running, if you are looking for anything, let me know. I can get it all!

www.productsofbcd.com

We all have some...

They're just words right?

When you have an argument with someone, your intention is to win. Some people get so lost in the heat they pull from every fact, every story, every memory to try and cut the down the person they are arguing with. Not always nice, but it happens. Recently when I got into a disagreement with someone that I didn't care for, they got mad because I told them I didn't want them in my life. Like you lashed out because you thought you were better than me. How could this trash reject me? I got called a whore, just a mouth to stick his dick in after dark, but you kept calling me. you're the one all in my phone cupcaking and carrying on to get some pussy. And if I'm so worthless why do you keep coming back. What does that say about you? 

My friends are asking why it bothers me so much if I don't care about him. I care, because some other girl is going to have to deal with this trash ass nigga and he's going to put her through an emotional roller coaster because he isn't self aware. I wish I had the time or energy to make him understand how he affects women, not for his well being but for women. He angered me, not because of what he said but the fact that he thinks he can get away with degrading women. I know who I am, where I come from and the choices I've made, but that doesn't make it okay for any man to talk to me reckless and think I won't call him on it. I have done some shameful things but I am no ashamed of who I am. Know the difference when you try to put a woman down because of her past. 

You Ever Wonder?

When I think about the times I should have said no to him, it just makes me laugh. Where would I be in my emotional health if I didn't fuck with certain individuals. Like if I told Jayson I wasn't interested the first time we spoke or if I told Alex I wanted to try again the first time we stopped fucking with each other. Where would I be if Moses never cheated on me, where would I be if I kept walking and didn't stop to talk to Lee. Like these men have shaped and molded how I interact with men, and all of them are out of my life for very different reasons. Would I trust men more if I stopped letting people in early or after the fact when I let them come back. I don't know where I'll end up as far as my relationships go, but I know where I've been and what hasn't worked. I guess that's the point of playing the dating game, but when does the game become to much and you just throw in the towel. 

I'm barely 26 years old and already sick of dating. Not to say I will never find anyone, but mostly because I am sick of giving more of my heart to people that on;y give me pieces. Yeah that's something I have to work on, but I don't know how else to love. So why can't I find someone that will love me the way I love? Why must I put all my heart into my work or friends because I don't want to feel lonely. Yes I am complete in other areas, but to say my heart doesn't need someone is a lie. We all do in some form or another. The only thing left for me to balance is LOVE.