Love Doesn't Owe You....& Neither Do I

When it comes to the affairs of the heart, most people have been burned at least once. It's one of those things that you are almost guaranteed now-a-days. So when I see men and women being so cynical it hurts my heart a little.

*PAUSE*

Some of you are probably wondering how I could say something like that, when I talk so much about how I don't want to find love and this that and the other. Let me be clear, I think Love exists, and i'm sure I will encounter it again, but I don't believe in the institution of marriage. I think there are to many dysfunctional people in today's society for there to be a positive chance for a lot of marriages to happen let alone last. I will find love again and again, loving my friends, loving my career and who knows I may even have a child one day.

*RESUME*

Now i'm sure there are other people that think and feel the same way I do about the topic at hand. Love happens, heart-break happens, its all in how you deal with it defines who you are and what future potentials will think about you. Just because you were hurt by someone doesn't entitle you to be a control freak in your next relationship. I recently started talking to this nice Island man. He was sexy, heavy accent, dreads, chocolate skin (basically my type), but he played into to many stereotypes of Island folk and people with a broken heart. I'm too much of a free spirit to let some man control who I hang out with. He met me 3 days before he got super possessive and controlling about what I do and who I go see. Paranoia and jealousy is never okay with me in relationships. Can you say "buh-bye"?

Cosmic Karma doesn't owe anyone anything and neither does the next person you date. They are there to provide you with alternatives to your ex, after all they are your ex for some reason. You were heart-broken, SO THE FUCK WHAT, it happens to just about everyone. Take the life lesson and move on. Stop being straight up ignorant to people you are attempting to court, maybe some of this dysfunction will be able dissipate.

Valentine's Day

This is probably the most ridiculous of holidays, because its fairly biased and lacking in true emotion and meaning. Guys frantically buying last minute gifts and flowers for women that think the only real V-day gift they have to give their man is a weak blow job and the same pussy he gets every night. Society has put on this illusion of fake romanticism and expects every poor girl to expect everything under the sun from her significant other without putting in work and getting him something he really wants, and this is just the people that have significant others. The single people are crazy with it. Men being thirsty and women getting depressed. It's not a good look on anyone to be so desperate for love or sex on this one specific day that you are almost willing to do anything.

Take for instance a young man named Daryl, that I met on Valentine's Day. He is a very attractive young man, tall, fair skinned, nice features, but the disease known as Thirst had attacked him and taken over something fierce. I was casually leaving the bank after having deposited my check and i'm feeling rather chipper and upbeat, and like a predator in the jungle, he pounces, "Aye lil mama". *thoughts in my head* "Nigga ain't nothing little about me and i for damn sure ain't ya mama" but as I keep walking towards my car without acknowledging him I can tell he's not giving up that easy. He jogs to catch up to me so I have no choice but to stop and wonder what ingenious pick-up line he will try to persuade me with. This fool comes with something semi-original, but yet so basic. "Ma, you got some pretty toes and you looking right"..."I can tell you keep yourself feeling and looking right" *PAUSE* I'm thinking you don't know me don't say stuff like that. I mean I do, but so not the point. so I take his number and hop in my car, not giving a second thought to the young man well other than to tell this funny story to my girlfriends and now to post on my blog.

I get holiday's off of work and school, so as far as i'm concerned Valentine's day is not a Holiday. It's a day pushed on us by greed & capitalism. It is a fluff day where you can make up for any lack of attention and a day forced on us to be happy and filled with love. If i'm mad at my significant other, I don't care what day it is, i'm still gonna be mad at him. So to say the least, I only celebrate it to show those around me that I do love them, so I make my gifts, something that will last a while and not just for the night. I am in Love with Love of family and friends, but I'm not gonna get depressed or obsessive over my mate. I just wish more people would realize that its about showing those around you that you care about them and love them in addition to the everyday things, not as a substitution or to make up for anything. I hope everyone had a great V-Day, but appreciates everyone that they have in their life even tho the day is over.

Nothing is Sexier...

Nothing is sexier than a man being a man. If I wanted you to be soft and gentile I would find a woman.
Nothing is sexier than a woman being a lady. Being a sexual person and being a hoe are two different things.
Nothing is sexier than men taking care of house and home before flossing to their friends.
Nothing is sexier than women providing for self instead of expecting to be taken care of by a man.
Nothing is sexier than a man taking care of his children. You liked her at one point that's why you have a child together, so don't be a jerk.
Nothing is sexier than a woman learning how to take care of her house. (ie. cook, clean, decorate) Not FOR anyone, but to be proud of the place she calls her home.
Nothing is sexier than knowing when to listen and knowing when to shut the fuck up.
Nothing is sexier than knowing when its chasing and knowing when its stalking.
Nothing is sexier than a black man with an education, no kids and isn't arrogant about him being a rare commodity. To bad he's an urban legend.
Nothing is sexier than a black woman aspiring for something higher than video model, like a doctor, lawyer, or writer.
Nothing is sexier than being aware of your sex appeal but still being humble about it.
Nothing is sexier than loving the one you're with while staying away from the side pieces

The Truth Is...

These are some truths in my life and what some of my friends have experienced. So enjoy.

The truth is I don't see myself being with you, so please stop calling me, texting me, IMing me, tweeting me, facebook messaging me, basically stalking me.
The truth is I may have forgiven you, but I haven't forgotten so I can't trust you.
The truth is loving you was easy, leaving you was hard.
The truth is if you were "getting money", you wouldn't need me to pick you up from the homies house because your mom needs her car back.
The truth is life is hard for everyone, you are not special.
The truth is if I wanted a soft sweet gentile man, i'd find a woman.
The truth is the perfect mate doesn't exist but the perfect mate for you is out there.
The truth is a lot of women go into relationships hoping they can change their partner.
The truth is a lot of men go into relationships hoping their partner won't change.
The truth is I really don't care about your problems or how to solve them but because you value my opinion I will listen and give you some advice.

Sexy vs. Skanky (Club Edition)

Sexy: wearing sexy high heels
Skanky: walking around barefoot with high heels in hand

Sexy: wearing a form fitting dress
Skanky: wearing a too tight dress that was meant to be a top

Sexy: Upscale attire dresses and heels a must
Skanky: "Upscale attire" jeans and tennis shoes okay

Sexy: Upscale Events (Gala, Benefits, holiday events)
Skaky: Themed Parties (golf pros and tennis hoes, pimps up hoes down, CEOs and secretary hoes...get the picture)

Sexy: (on men) Button-up and fitted not skin tight jeans and dress shoes
Skanky:(on men) too-tight Ed Hardy shirt jeans and too much gel

Sexy: simple jewelry that's real and compliments your outfit
Skanky: big flashy jewelry that's fake and clashes with everything (ie anything bamboo)

Sexy: Jimmy Choo designer heels
Skanky: Gucci knock offs

Sexy: flirting with a cute guy you meet at the club
Skanky: having sex in the bathroom with a cute guy you meet at the club

Sexy: buying a drink for the guy you're interested in.
Skanky: asking every dude that walks by to purchase you a drink

Sexy: dancing to the beat
Skanky: humping on the floor

My Love is Cold, Deep and Strong

I want to share with you a few things about me so that you can understand where i'm coming from when I write these entries. I am a young, beautiful woman, and I am utterly confident in my sex appeal even though I am not the society norm. I would change a few things but what woman wouldn't. I love my mind, the way i think and process, and my thirst for knowledge. On the other hand I don't have the same passion when it comes structured education, but I like to learn none the less. I have been through love's ups and downs, and through no fault of one relationship, my heart is icey. I look at the plain black and white when it comes to love, the logic behind it. Many people will say that you can't look at love that way, those people are emotionally involved in a relationship or haven't been jaded as I have. When it comes to true love I am the biggest supporter of everyone finding what they want, need and what they are looking for.  I've had love in my life before, true love, everlasting, give your all to this person love. I lost so much of who I was trying to be with this person that our relationship ended badly and left a bitter taste in my mouth for a while. I think love is for other people just not for me. I look at the statistics and potentials out there and its just depressing. People are on the one hand shallow and don't see what I offer as a person, all they see is sum "thick chick" that will be easy. I am more than my size, I am a woman, of strong beliefs and high goals. And then on the other hand, people are naturally racist. In my case, when you mix the two the market for men that find me desirable shrinks. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some self-pity I hate my thighs type entry, because I love all of me from head to toe. I guess I can't really get mad, because I'm not looking for love and I honestly don't need it to find me. Please don't think that I'm cynical or anything, I just want to live my life with nobody standing in my way or making me feel bad about it. I would rather spend my whole life working on a career than working on some new compromise of self in a marriage. It may sound selfish, but its how I feel. Who knows, the right man may come along and sweep me off my feet and completely change my mind, but until then, it is what it is.

Men Of My Life

Ya girl found a new "beau" if you will to start her year off on the right foot. I'm a little nervous about it, because I like him a lot. I haven't had butterflies like this since the boyfriend of all boyfriends that made me a little bitter towards black men. Now before you jump on my case about that statement, no this isn't some "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" ish I just look closer at the company I keep when black men are involved. So since then I have placed any new and existing men in my life into 4 different groups: Buddy, Booty, Bestie, BF/Potential. They don't get moved around, because that adds confusion to the mix and would break down the whole system. There are of course exceptions to this rule, and some that don't get categorized.

Buddy- a guy that gets placed here will never get the booty, he will be kept here in the anticipation of, without ever getting there. He may or may not know this, however if left with the impression or illusion he will, he will stay around longer. Buddies tend to have a higher turnover rate, they come and go, which is not a problem, because they come a dime a dozen. The are from all walks of life, artsy, thuggish, nerdy, etc. The buddy is a girlfriend replacement. when you don't feel like being around girls and the catty behavior your buddy is there with video games, sports or party hook-ups.
Booty- This is all this guy gets, I call him, he calls me, we work it out and make it happen. We don't hang out on the weekends, we casually speak about what happened last time and what we want to do in the future. If we run into each other in public, we will be cordial like giving a hug or kiss on the cheek, and the conversation is kept to a minimum especially since your friends and his friends may not know that you know each other. Booty has no opportunity to move to any other category. Once I get bored with them or the sex is whack they get dropped and I move on. I'm kind of cold towards guys in this category because it helps me to not get emotionally involved. They tend to get more invested in me and try to move out of this group when that happens I have to let them go.
Bestie- I hold these men closest to my heart, because they are basically family. They can have whatever they want and need. There is nothing sexual about our relationship, its a bond of friendship. They get me and I get them. They are the men that I know will beat up any fool that hurts me, and cherish the laughs and memories we build. We watch sports together, play video games together and they are the best wingmen a girl could ever ask for. They don't cock-block, because they know I will bring the bitches with my slick tongue and cool attitude.
BF/Potential- This guy gets star quality treatment. He is the guy I probably flirted with first. He makes me blush and giggle, not laugh. He makes me smile not cheese. He makes me want to love not just lust. We talk on the phone for what seems like short periods of time but is actually hours. There is a mutual sensual/sexual attraction along with the intellectual respect for each others mind. Goals are career based, with support from future spousal commitment. If you get placed in this category, and it doesn't work out, you can not remain to be put in another category. I am done with you If you aren't good enough to be my BF why would I keep you around as a friend. Think about that.

The only problem with this "amazing" (lol) system is guys not knowing their place. I don't mean for it to sound so harsh, but it is what it is. You should always know where you stand with someone, because nothing is worse than trying to explain to someone you're not friends this is just a sex thing or you will never get this so stop being a bug-a-boo. It can so easily turn into a bad situation no matter who you are dealing with, so you have to keep in mind no matter how close of friends you may be, dealing with the opposite sex is always tricky so be careful with emotions and egos.

New Year..New Outlook

It's now the year 2010, and I feel like for everyone 2009 was just a bad time. It may be because its still fresh in our mind, but too many losses too much downfall and just too much negativity. So i'm gonna go into the new year with a new outlook on life and a positive dispostion on anything that i encounter. I've already discovered new relationships, romantic and otherwise that I am happily embracing. So with all this being said, I want to thank all my readers for being apart of the beginning of my blogging journey and I hope to have many more exciting stories and insightful advice to share with the coming year. I am always here for advice, questions, debates, anything you can throw my way, drop a comment or an email, i'll get back to you as soon as I can. Until the next entry, enjoy your love life, your sex life, and your new beginnings in 2010.

With Love and Kisses The One and Only

~Dymond Diva~

Winter Selection

So as many of you who know me personally or have friended me on a social networking site know that I date a lot, because i always talk about the funny series of events that is my life. I've had my fair share of flings, trysts, affairs, romances, one night stands and what have you, but those describe the action in which i share with someone, never really touching on the what you would call someone if you were talking to your friends about that person. So of course with everything now, I look to my new found addiction, Twitter. I've been asking around my twitter family, and what they have been saying they need and/or have, this holiday season, is a "Winterboo".  This term as far as my knowledge goes originated with a gentleman by the self-given name of Smash Rock Well who by the way if ur not following on twitter ur missing out on great jokes and keeping your timeline extra sexy. But anyway, for me a winterboo is someone that may not be marriage material, but has great qualities in a date or even potential friend. You generally feel comfortable bringing this person around your family and friends, or even your co-workers, but only during the winter holidays, where it feels mandatory to be coupled up so as not to get pittied. It may not have been the intention, but I took it and that's how i'm going to use it, and i'm not ashamed to say that. They may not be marriage material, for whaever reason, "player", stubborn, overbearing, needy/clingy, the list goes on and on depending on what your personality is, but may be perfect to keep around for short periods of time, say the winter season for instance.
This brings up too many topics to write about, well in one entry at least. What i would like to focus on is the idea of not being ready for a serious commitment, but still longing for relationship interaction.With me maturing over the years, and being a young female dating older men, I haven't been ready to commit to someone for long periods of time, because I like to date and see what's out there. Getting more serious about what i want out of a relationship, I have become a little more "picky" so to say. So when I need to be coupled up for certain events like holiday parties with work and/or family or just someone to be with when its cold and i'm lonely, a "winterboo" would be nice to have around, with the option of becoming a potential. To me it just seems like they would be better suited to be around from as early as thanksgiving, and as late at Valentine's day if I were to put a time frame on it.
You may not find Mr. right, but Mr. right now is always available.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/DymondDiva

Merry Christmas!

I want to start out by saying that if you are in a relationship right now, this is the only time you will see me truly jealous. I hate being alone during the holidays, it depresses me because good single nookie is even harder to come by. Every decent guy is taken and all the loose ends can never quite get it done. I wont bore you with my humdrum personal life, I just needed to get a couple things off my chest before I tell you my Christmas story to spice up your Christmas night festivities. *Based on a true story but a few details have been changed*

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the apartment not a creature was stirring, not even the puppy. Decorations put up, and gifts wrapped under the tree, everything done in utopian perfection. Her boyfriend in shock when he got home to see this. You see he's never been big on Christmas with all bad memories. This year would be different, we would start a new tradition, for just the two of them. So he continued to walk through the place looking for his lady, and what did he find as he entered the bedroom but none other than that vixen in the bed sleeping. So he takes off his jacket and sneaks in the bed, cuddles up with her and softly wakes her up. She is pleasantly surprised to see her big strong man home from a long days work. They snuggled up close and he noticed without pause that she was laying there in his favorite, butt naked with a smile.
They begin to kiss heavily, stripping off his clothes, buttons flying everywhere but the rhythm staying on point. He kisses her head to well you know. He moves down her stomach to taste the sweet nectar her pussy creates. He ravishes her body making her climax multiple times, she's almost to weak to move but gathers up energy to return the pleasure. She climbs on top of her big strong man, kissing his chest and slowly creeping down. She gets to the V, you know what I mean, nibbles here, and nibbles there. With each tender motion he knows the pleasure that awaits him. She gets the momentum going, slowly sucking and blowing till his long thick penis is hard as a rod. She speeds up, making his toes curl and moaning in subtly pleasure. he can no longer hold it in he explodes with pure ecstasy.
He is rock hard again and says some cheesy line making her giggle and be unprepared for the deep penetration she is about to endure, she yells out in pure euphoric bliss. With each thrust he makes her scream and moan. They are getting their workout tonight. She stops him and turns around to say "its my turn to ride". She climbs on top of him, moving her hips like a hula hoop, she rides him back and forth cumming in the process. He plays with her breast as they bounce up and down sucking on them every time she leans forward enough. He enjoys her body, full figure, large breast, round thick booty. He soaks in all that is his woman, and with one last grind, lets out a passionate moan of enchantment their orgasms in unison, the fall to the bed laying in silence for this is a Christmas Tradition they both can get used to.

So I have shared with you a story based on real events, only slightly changed to fit my theme of Christmas, I hope you enjoyed, I know I sure had fun writing it.

Seasons Greetings to everyone, and to every one have a good night ;-)

Time to find a new mate....

Its time to find a new MAN if:
- He asks you to come across town for booty, but won't go around the block to help you fix a flat tire.
- He used to take you to out, but now he's saving up to move out your crib.
- You go from seeing or talking to each other every day to talking once a month.
- His name is only three letters, they ain't no good. (personal experience)
- He goes from taking you out to just hanging out. (ie booty calls, and only being at home)
- He spends more time at the nail shop than you. He is too high maintenance for you.
- He isn't worthy of bringing around your friends and/or family
- He spends more time at the strip club than at work or at home
- He gets his side chick pregnant and/or expects you to be the mother figure
- Quality time means you waiting on him hand and foot while he watches sports.
- The closest thing to a book that he reads is the history of Sports Illustrated
- The closest thing to a commitment is setting plans for that night

Its time to find a new WOMAN if:
- She has no useful skills. (ie cooking,cleaning, working...)
- She is looking for financial security instead of emotional security
- She refers to herself as a barbie or 5star chick. (she not ready to be a grown up)
- Her main goal is to raise children with no way to support them.
- She gets a little to friendly with your best friend, room mate, cousin, brother or father
- She'd rather fuck you than talk to you. (what female you know does that? Hoe tendencies)
- Collecting baby daddies is a hobby.
- She think being a bad bitch is a compliment.
- She refers to labels as friends. (Me and Louis V go way back, I used to rock with Dolce..etc.)
- The friends she keeps are doing better than her. (they keep her around to make themselves feel better)
- She said she pole riding to get through school. (and didn't mention what kind of pole)
- She doesn't want to be a wife but wants the big fancy wedding.

Yes BigDaddy...

I want to talk about a recurring theme with the men I seem to be picking to date. Men wanting their woman to be submissive to them, but if i'm smarter than you, how can I submit. I am more than willing to do whatever i can to make sure my man is pleased mind, body, and soul, but to let him take a controlling role, and him not even be worthy of it is not something I can idly sit by and let happen. I'm not talking about one specific aspect, i'm talking about from the bedroom to the foundation the relationship is based on.

When it comes to the bedroom, I don't mind being fairly submissive but to give complete control to a man is rather out of the question. Nobody can control my orgasm better than me, so why would I let someone else take that away from me. I fully believe that women have a more caring nature and should be able to give to their man in any shape or form that is asked. If he wants his dick sucked go ahead and do it, if he wants to try some new off the wall position go with it, if he asks you to stick a finger in his ass say eww that's nasty. I'm just joking but please do what you can for your man as long as you are comfortable, because guaranteed if you aren't open and at least willing to go there, he'll find a side piece that will. But then again if you don't want to and he truly loves you he wouldn't want you to do anything to pressure you negatively. To continue on what I was talking about, i'll be damned if you try to "work me" and I can't get to a climax because you want to be in control. That's just crazy.

Looking at gender roles, you see it being more oppressive than submissive. From the beginning of time women are seen as inferior, so why wouldn't they be seen as submissive in every aspect of their life. As society is progressing however, you see more and more women being independent and taking the lead in their relationships and life. You still see the struggles for successful and powerful women not being able to find a man that is secure enough in his manhood to be with a woman that brings home more money and has more power. The key to being in a successful female dominated relationship is knowing when to be submissive and not challenge the other person. This is key for men and women. Men need to learn to check their over sized ego at the door and let their women know they are their queen. Women need to learn to stroke their ego every now and again to let him know that he is their king.

Being submissive doesn't make you an inferior man or woman, it shows your vulnerability and your willingness to give unconditionally to your partner. Playful banter, and submissive play in the bedroom are great ways to keep the spark. Letting someone take the lead is healthy for longer lasting relationships. I want to see more people putting an end to getting caught up in gender roles and focus more on just loving the one you're with.

Sex and Love

Sex is a game and Love is an art. Don't try to play a game when you want to create art. -Dymond Diva

When it comes to sex and love people tend to get things confused. The way to get to someones heart is not through their pants or up their skirt. You can't expect someone to love, cherish and respect you for years to come if all you seem to do is suck and fuck when you see each other. There is no foundation to that relationship, so it can not grow into anything stable and substantial.

There are common phrases talking about someones "sexgame". This is because you can play so much with sex and its supposed to be fun. You play with food, with toys, with positions, with so much, that it is just like a game. People always want to know how good at it you are. With society norms being what they are, guys are more open about their "game", even if it is a lie, they will still talk about it.

When it comes to love, it is like art. A lot of great love is lost, because its not appreciated and cared for when its around. Great artisits like Picaso, Da Vinci and Van Gough didn't get significant recognition until their lives were over. My first great love didn't appreciate me until he cheated on me and I left him. He didn't realize that I was his everything and I was the only one that supported him the way he needed. Didn't realize it till he left his 80% for that 20%. If you don't know what that means go watch Tyler Perry's "Why did I get married". 

If you want to build a masterpiece, don't let the games of life and sex get in the way and cloud your judgement. If you're not ready for love, then don't lead the one you are with to believe that you are, it only leads to hurt feelings and bitter people. If more people are open about their true feelings and intentions, then less people would be in toxic relationships and marriages. Just marinate on that and don't let it escape your mind when you enter into your next relationship.

Who, What, Where, When Why?

Who ever said sex was over rated wasn't getting laid on the regular.
What is it about relationships that scare people?
Where is it written that you deserve head for being a lazy piece (goes for men and women)
When will people learn that sex fades but conversation is for life
Why does the heart what it can't have so many times.

Who is willing to go deeper for true love and not settling for your baby momma or baby daddy?
What is the best time to have sex? beause I feel like if we wait till the end of the day we both tired
Where are all the educated black folk? They need to be the ones having kids, not these ghetto hot messes
When did it become socially acceptable to have kids before you got married?
Why become obessed with the material? when you lose it you lose all the people looking at you for it

Who ever said they were ready a for soul shaking, body rocking orgasm doesn't know what that means.
What is the point of asking for a change from others when you won't change yourself for the better?
Where are your parenting skills coming from?
When was the last time you truly felt passion when sleeping with someone?
Why do so many people lie about their sex skills? people will find out and put you on blast...so cut it out

Sexy vs. Skanky (office edition)

Sexy: Pencil skirts that hug your butt
Skanky: Mini-skirts that show your butt when you bend over

Sexy: Fitted pant suit from Express
Skanky: A pant suit you borrowed from your one night stand.

Sexy: Wearing what you would wear to a picnic to casual friday
Skanky: Wearing what you going to the club in, so you don't have to go home, after casual friday.

Sexy: A fitted sweater with dress pants and boots
Skanky: A fitted dress that leaves nothing to the imagination

Sexy: A white button up with a colorful undershirt that matches a tie
Skanky: A white button up where you can see the color of the bra being worn

Sexy: Closed-toe heels with 3-4 inches of height
Skanky: Open-toe sandal heels with 6 inches of height

Sexy: Pantyhose/ Stockings
Skanky: Fishnets

Sexy: Going to a bar or restaurant to close a deal
Skanky: Going to a strip club to close the deal

Sexy: being confident that your hard work will get you the promotion
Skanky: being confident your sex appeal and flirting with your boss will get you the promotion

Sexy: Being polite and showing the new person around the office
Skanky: Hooking up with the new person because they don't know your reputation.

Sex you want but don't talk about

For fear of sounding wierd or for fear of rejection, people are limited in their sexual experience because of what they want to bring to the bedroom. What I want to talk about in this entry are a few things for people to spice things up and step outside this box of inhibitions. Maybe you've done it, maybe you haven't, but either way it might spark something for you to try again or try for the first time.

Web Cam Sex- I'm not talking about anything super kinky, unless you're into that sort of thing, then by all means go ahead. I'm talking about a sexy strip tease for your partner or even a full on masturbation show. It really just depends on your comfort level. There are however a few guidelines you shold follow to enable an enjoyable experience for the both of you.

1. Make sure al lthe techy boring stuff is taken care of before hand nothing kills the mood more than a slow internet connection
2. Exaggerate the slowness of your movement or your partner may miss something you do
3. Anything you need must be within arms reach. (ie toys, lube etc.)
4. Make sure you position the camera so you are never out of frame. (there's no point if they can't see you)

Threesome- It may sound kinky, sexy and spontaneous, but the best threesomes are done with some one you know pretty well. Picking up a stranger is advice they give in movies and tv shows which isn't wise. Just a few rules that are set to ensure your successful Menge a trois.

1. Your third person should be someone that trust so as not to ruin the friendship later
2. Keep the lines of communication open. (Are you and/or your partner bi-comfortable? talk about it)
3. Set up guidelines so nobody does anything someone else doesn't like. (There will be resentment later)

Vouyerism- As far as your individual person goes, it can be looked at from either side. The most common would be you and your partner being watched, but to take it one step further, you or your partner watching the other with someone else. The adrenaline you get from not being in control amps up the orgasm you feel when you release.

Anal Play- For this you really need to be open in your sexuality. I know its a sensitive topic, but someone's gotta talk about it. with this type of sex play, it can be for both men and woman. The back door for a man can be pleasing if the right area is stimulated, the same goes for a woman. But there are a few rules to keep in mind before pursing this route

1. Don't do it unless you have permisson from your partner
2. Be hygienic. wash yourself of any feces so as not to smell and/or be offensive to your parner.
3. Be gentle and use enough lubrication.
4. The partner being penetrated should push back on the penetrator.
5. Relax, but stop immediately if there is pain, strong discomfort ot bleeding.

These are just a few things to get you thinking about different ways to spice things up. Talk to your partner about what you are comfortable with and how open you are willing to be with them sexually. The only thing ever lost is if you never ask.

Decoding the lies

Do you hear some these on the regular? If you do, you may be getting lied to. So next time you hear it say "why you lying?"

Men- "I'm scared to love because I was hurt before"
       -I want to see how much ass I can get from you before you wise up and leave me
Women- "We used to date, but he's just my friend now"
       -If you can't put the dick down this dude will be there to handle it.
Men- "I thought you trusted me"
       -I'm going to cheat on you, i just don't want you going through my phone to figure it out
Women-"I don't usually do this"
      -I don't want you to think i'm a hoe after this
Men- "Your friend is just mad at what we have"
      -I tried to fuck her, but she turned me down
Women- "Yes this is my hair"
      -I paid for it so it's mine
Men- "I wasn't looking at her booty"
      -I was i just didn't think you could see me do it
Women- "You're the father of litte Ja'kwame"
      -You may not be but you make the most money so i'm telling you its you
Men- "I don't like the way condoms feel"
      -I'm broke so i can't go buy some condoms. I just want to fuck and leave.
Women- "I don't do that"
      -I do, i just don't like you enough to do it for you
Men- "I just want you to be happy even if its not with me"
      -I want you to be happy only if its with me. I want you to think i'm sweet and sincere to get you back.
Women- "I've only slept with 3 guys"
      -Its way more than that, I just don't want you to call me a hoe
Men- "Let me call you right back"
      -I'm either just trying to get off the phone to holla at "shawty" or i'll forget to call back when i'm not busy
Women- "I would love a man for his heart not his money"
      -I don't want people to think i'm shallow but i really couldn't be with a broke man
Men- "Baby, i've been applying a lot of places, but nobody wants to hire me"
      -I'm telling you this so I can get some pussy tonight, and so you keep supporting my lazy.
Women- "I don't need a man for anything..."
      -He fucked my best friend and now i'm gonna be bitter and alone so I don't have to get hurt again
Men- "I Love You"
      -Either they mean it or it means I want some pussy
Women- "It's not going to cost much"
      -I don't want to tell you how much it's really going to cost because you'll be mad

More to come later

Ménage à trois

Usually this will intrigue men before it intrigues women, because woman are so programmed to think your man isn't satisfied with you so he's trying to find another option. I'm not saying it's not on his mind, but hello guys like sex, two hot females wanting to please him, not that he's not happy with you, but double the pleasure double the fun. To put it simply, if you could have two people pleasing you, would you want to try it. Women get so hung up on what it means and trying to analyze things, when its simple. So aside from that, the biggest question that plagued me was why are men so open to the idea of a Menage a trois, and why do women fear it? In my opinion, women are taught that if a man wants a threesome something has to be wrong with her, something he's looking for that she isn't giving him. Men on the other hand are encouraged to be adventerous, and try as much as possible, and have to try and in a sense trick his current lover/partner to be as adventerous.
So I took to my friends and asked them their thoughts on threesomes. To say the least most of them had fantasized about it, but never thought it would actually become a reality. The guys were all very against it being two guys one girl, and almost all the girls were into the idea of a "lesbianic" experience. The guys were into the idea of a girl kissing another girl, they even encouraged it. Yet when it came to the guys doing the same it was an astounding "naw man that shit is gay". So aside from the obvious double standard, which i won't get into this entry, everyone said that they wouldn't want to do it if they were in a relationship with one of the people. Another reason of why it wouldn't happen, was because they felt like it would be more fun to fantasize about it than to actually do it. ( It looks good in the movies, but don't most things look better there than in real life). And others just didn't think they were wild enough to ever actually go thru with it. On a side note I love how diverse my friends are in their views so I get a nice broad range of possible responses. So all in all I took in what they had to say, but my ideas are my own when it comes to sex especially threesomes. It breaks down to this, Would I? yes no question, but i'm a freak so what do you expect With who? either 2 guys or two girls i'm not afraid of a little girl on girl Have I? wouldn't you like to know.

It has come to my attention that I don't really talk that much about safe sex and what it can do for you in the long run. Please believe, when contemplating a threesome, you have twice as much risk as having just one partner. Ladies if you engage in threesomes with two men, please be on birth control and be using condoms. There is twice the risk of STDs and Pregnancies. There are enough babies being born to young mothers, no need for an accident that you can't support cause mommy and daddy got a little freaky.

Flirtexting: when is it to far?

Knowing the boundaries of flirtexting can in an instant make you seem like your intentions are more along the lines of one-night stand material and less like take you home to mom. Of course this is depending on what your actual intentions may be. When it comes to flirtexting i keep my rules simple, and there are only 5:

1. If you don't mean it sexually read it out loud before you send it.
2. If you would be embarrassed by your parents seeing it re-word it
3. If you wouldn't say it in person don't say it in text
4. There is a thin line between sexy and slutty with the words you say in a text so be careful
5. Naked pictures are never acceptable when flirting

For me these rules keep the texting in a safe zone so as not to welcome unwanted advances. No offense to any men that read my blog, but when it comes to sex men are simple you either want to or you don't. So it is up to women to not send the wrong signals, because it may seem harmless or unintentional, but anytime you bring up nakedness or being wet guys are going to think you want to fuck. There's no if, ands, or buts about that. Just a few helpful examples on toning down the slutty and taking it to flirty:

• Slutty: I'm taking a bubble bath getting all soaking dripping wet, wanting your body so bad.
• Flirty: I'm just chillin at home thinking about how great of a time I had with you the other day.
• Slutty: I loved the shirt you had on the other day, but it would look better on my bedroom floor
• Flirty:Where did you get that shirt, it's amazing and you wore it well.

Simple things like this can take a conversation from sexual to innocent, if you focus on the right thing. You full on may feel differently but thinking it and saying it to the person can determine where they categorize you, as in "jump-off", wifey, or just one of the guys. If you are not interested in just flirting, check out my previous entry on Phone Sex, because that's a whole different ball game. It's really easy to confuse the two when you are really excited about someone new in your life. If it helps at all think about what you want to say before you say it, as in send it to a friend, ask your roommate, anybody who is around you, to see how it could be taken. For me I write it and i text it to my best friend, if he says it sounds slutty I change it depending on if I want to sound slutty or not ;-)