Okay so this is the actual last post of 2013

http://www.gofundme.com/5x00l4

This is a link for my go fund me page. I am looking to start my own business and need a little help getting it off the ground. With my crazy schedule and devoting my paycheck to bills I need that little boost to get it up and running. I'm not asking for the world, just some seed money for product samples and my second website where you can purchase adult toys, novelties and other goodies. My goal is $2,000 so anything you can donate would be helpful. Thanks loves!

The Last Post of 2013

I'm sick to death of the new year, new me bullshit people keep posting about. You are always you dumb ass, you can only change how and who you interact with the world around you. If you are tired of the same results, do something different with your life. You can't complain you hate dating assholes but go to the same places to find these guys/girls. You can't complain about the job you hate, if you never look for a new one or better yourself to pursue your dreams. You can't complain about your weight if all you do is order pizza and sit on your couch. You know better, but don't do better because it's hard. Fear of moving forward will keep you stuck in whatever rut you're in. Speaking from experience, I've been in ruts enough times to know that clawing your way out is the only way to do it, and making a resolution isn't going to do anything if you fall into the same pattern the second it gets hard. I wish more people would do better, maybe there would be a little more inspiration to go around.
In any case, I want to wish everyone a happy new year with many blessings and good fortune. May you succeed in any changes and goals set forth for you in the coming year.

2013: A Year of Learning

Tomorrow is the last day of 2013. I am leaving so much in that year its almost ridiculous. This year has been a year of self discovery and so much more. There are however a few things that will make the journey into the new year.

Say Good-Bye:

• Living for other people
• Doing things I don't want to
• Eating candy
• Getting shitty wasted
• My ex-lovers
• My ex-friends
• Holding on to the possibility of change from people that hurt me
• Saying nigga around white people
• My old ideals about kids, marriage, and love

Say Hello:

• Healthy living
• The pursuit of my dreams
• Becoming a published author
• Catering to my needs
• New opportunities for adventure
• Taking responsibility for my life and my happiness
• Getting my anemia under control

Just a few things that I've reflected on and made some hard decisions to be passionate about in the coming year. I won't say it's a resolution, but it is definitely a lifestyle change.

Life and Love is what you make of it...

Okay so dessert is spelled wrong in this picture I found, but you get the idea...this is the concept for 2014. Shedding dead weight physical and emotional. Took me far to long to realize, but I'm working on me. I am focused on my purpose, waiting patiently for someone worthy of my time as I am of his.

Sometimes I think about what could have been...

It's a few people I wish I could turn and walk away from, but then I think about how different my life would be without the experience of knowing them. I wish I could regret any situation, but I would rather remember them all and learn, than change what I know.

No additional words needed...

Think on it...

How many men are willing to admit that they have been cowards before? How many are strong enough to tell the woman they are dealing with the truth and walk away so she can heal? Give it some thought and grow stronger. The stronger we are as individuals the better our communities become when we come together.

Cali Pride...

My blood is California thick.
My heritage mixed up
Don't get it twisted I'm always me first
and my skin second.
Got so much pride in where I come from,
I hate on the top half of my state.
SoCal born and raised
in some of the best cities you never heard of.
I'm not hollywood and I'm not street
I come from LA
But I bleed for my state.

10 Things I Have to Say to Black Men

1. I call you my nigga when you act like that, I don't claim you as a man because you have yet to prove that quality to me. 
2. Everything you hate about yourself I adore. I love you from the surface of your skin to the roots of your blood, because I embrace your culture and appreciate your presence in my life.
3. Your struggle doesn't define your character how you overcome and surpass it does.
4. The world envies your heritage and constantly imitates it, why do you think they don't want you to succeed? It comes naturally to you what they strive to be.
5. You call my attitude an issue, because you don't want to deal with the strong opinions. You hide behind that excuse and expect me to understand your perspective with no second thought to the over sexualization of  the color in my skin. 
6. Be a man, and not the imitation of what men appear to be, because most of them are just entertainers.
7. Don't allow your broken heart to destroy the potential of a great relationship because you are too pig-headed to set aside your ego to let a good woman love you.
8. Blessed is your heart as you shine in character. So stop hiding behind ill-intentioned boys trying to persuade you that all men are the same. Be who you are supposed to be, not influenced by bad role-models and imagery. Good character breeds success in spirit and loyalty in those you surround yourself with.
9. Stop blaming others for your lack of success in life, love, and career. Take ownership for all that you do. When you have nothing left to do for the situation, give it up to God and know when to walk away from something that poisons your soul. 
10. If you don't prefer black women, it is okay, but don't make excuses for the woman you do choose, because that makes you look weak. Love her with all your heart because of who she is and not because she's not something else.

Can We?

Can we just be happy together?
Spending time together in utter silence as the sun rises and sets.
Can we cook together?
making glorious meals that we never get around to eating.
Can we work together?
Support my endeavors as I support yours?
Can we grow together?
Learning from past mistakes, learning new tricks, and learning how to be better people
Can we build a life together?
Can we?

Check out my New Blog

New Ventures New Goals New Challenges

With this new blog I have given myself more structure and more topics to discuss. What loving this big girl is all about and so much more. There is a new post every Friday so make sure to check back for all my updates!

Everyone has the Tendency...

He asked me if he was always an asshole, I told him yes. He was shocked I said it, but I had to let him know what the facts were.

You were an asshole when I met you, and I was an asshole when you met me, but that doesn't change the fact that I grew into a better person and you are still circling the same asshole pool.

No I don't think I'm better than you, hell I'm still discovering who I am. But I refuse to sit here and stroke the ego of a man that's not worthy of me. I can deal with an asshole because it is what I have grown to know. But I don't want to deal with my mate, I want to balance with my mate. No woman wants to be with the asshole, but she has to try a few to keep her busy while she waits on Mr. Right-For-Her.

Fuck Feelings

Understand, I'm not that bitch. I'm not going to stroke your ego, so you can keep acting however you want to. You want the truth about how I feel for you, ask me. I'm never going to sugar coat or back down on my ideals because you might not like it. If you show me you can't handle the truth about what I think, I won't engage in that conversation. You are too weak to understand and too chicken to grow.

This Is Me...

This is me

I am perfectly imperfect

I make mistakes

I don't choose wisely

I do before I think

But with all my flaws and shortcomings

I still carry on

I have been at the wrong end of a suicide note

alcohol bottle and 

someones sexual misconduct.

I don't know which choice will be next,

and I don't know if I will make the right one

but I do know that whatever happens

will only add to the masterpiece that is me

I am a perfect storm of 

tranquil serenity and

crumbled ambitions.

I am the best and worst a person can be

Hand carved imperfections into flawless stone

Once a choice is made it is left cemented in me

only to be smoothed with the care and nurture of others.

This is me

I am perfectly imperfect

I make mistakes

I don't choose wisely

I do before I think

I am always a work in progress

You have no idea...

You have no idea how badly I want to hate you for all that you put me through, but at this point I only hate myself for still thinking of you, hoping that one day you and I can be together. You were in my world for 5 years and never made me yours, and I waited like a naive girl to think you would ever change. I hate that I can't shake the thought of you, I hate that I know you still care, I hate all the circumstances surrounding us, but I mostly hate that I can't hate you. It has weighed on my heart for far too long and I have denied myself closure far to many times. I am a broken mess, but the one person I want to talk to, hurts me more than any situation I could possibly be in.

Ideals...

Use my intimate feelings of desire for you to sexualize my fantasies of loving you. 

I want you in a way you've never felt before.

I want to love your soul from the inside out.

Breathe life into your voice with every kiss down your spine.

Stroke your ego till you climax in strength.

Become the man capable of holding the world on your shoulders

Knowing your new world will be born between my legs.

Figure out our life together with every kiss

The desire of the unattainable...

I fantasize about your hands tracing my curves,
grabbing hold of my body and
teasing my soft skin.
The thought of you sends chills down my spine and
sensations through my body.
I lust for you next to me,
I yearn for the time I see you,
I crave the scent of your cologne.

It's been a while...

It has been quite some time since I shared some of my thoughts or stories on here, and in all honesty, I haven't written in a week. My thoughts keep moving, but my pen lays still. I am ready to get back in the lab and tap into my creative flow, my mind finally in a space not bogged down with external factors. I'm excited about what will come out, and I hope people will enjoy!

Sometimes you have to make it tangible

Girlfriend Resume

While I am in a job search for the right company to work with while I'm working on my dreams, I had to update my resume. So with that in mind, I began pondering questions about relationships and readiness. Why not prepare a dating resume like a professional one. Why you parted ways, how long each one was, what you are looking for, things like that. This is a working one, but I thought it was fun to make and reflect on. 

Miss Camia Aka. Dymond Diva

Girlfriend Material - Wife Potential

Objective:

Build a life with a partner that has similar life goals

Experience: (Based on Relevance)

Donjae' - While it was a short lived encounter, it was helpful in learning that I should listen to my head more when I see warning signs of false promises. 

Jayson - On and off for 5 years, it was the most damaging of relationships, because he was never really mine, and I gave him way too much of my heart and energy

Alex - It was never going to be long lived, but it was perfect for that time in my life. He was an amazing man, and catered to what I needed at that time.

Moses - He was a whirlwind romance, we almost got married before I found out he was a lying, cheating Jerk.

Kaamar - Every woman has the dude that she knows is wrong for her, but he gives her the right attention at the right time in her life; He was this dude. I took his bullshit and he took advantage of my young naive nature. 

Brian - My first love, my first mistake, my first everything. He had my heart, and broke it. I trusted him to keep me safe and he abandoned me with no regard. I still pray for him, because he didn't break me, he made me realize my worth from an early age.

Special Skills:

Cooking

Baking

Dinner Party Host

Support System (emotional, mental, physical, financial)

Watching sports (and know what's going on)

Nurturing

Hilarious

Smart (can hold conversations on a wide variety of topics, current events, books, sports, technology, just to name a few)

Confident/Self Aware

Bedroom activities (submissive, kinky, dominating, I do it all)

Things We Settle For...

People aren't dating anymore:

Just talking

Catching feelings

Sleeping together

and ending up in situationships

This was the realest statement I read, and made me think about the interactions I've had and the relationships I've been through. I haven't been in a real relationship in so long, that I forgot what it was like to not be in situations with guys. Not because I wanted to be, but because I wasn't prepared for a relationship. All I was ready for was a situation that was convenient to my life. I can see it now, since I'm more prepared for a relationship. I want to build with a partner, not be carried by a man's success or carry another man to success. Let's lay a foundation and, and build our empire from the ground up. Let's be a power couple in our suburban community. Do it all and still have a hot meal on the table for the kids. I need a rider that can do it with me not for me. I'll be your Queen to the world and your woman at home, just meet me half way and be the King to our world and the man of our home. I don't want to settle anymore for a situation that I will be good enough for, I want to work hard and make it look effortless. I want to make you better just like you make me better. I want to be with you and for you, no matter who you are or when we'll meet. 

Friends...no love lost

I needed a friend and we became lovers
I needed a man and we became strangers
I needed us back and you left forever
I don't hurt like I used to
I hope the same for you

Cuffing Season

If I see one more post about cuffing season, and cuffing draft picks I'm unfriending and unfollowing them asap. This is not a thing! You wonder why so many people look at relationships and marriages like temporary things, because there is no conviction of the heart anymore. You end up in situations instead of relationships.
So don't mind me, but I'm gonna take this "season" off, because the ignorance of this nonsense is out of control. I don't want a temporary fling, I want the real thing, so I'll leave all that for the kids of today.

Venting..

I'm not your woman, hell I'm not even your bitch, so get out my phone texting me like such. I don't owe you a damn thing, and I damn sure ain't pressed to see you. So if I am not in the mood to fuck with you, leave me the fuck alone. I've known you for far too long and know all your little tricks and shit to get in my pants. Your dick ain't worth my driving to the other side of town, shit, it's barely worth a shave. So no I don't jump when you call, I roll my eyes and if I'm in the mood to deal with your shit, I'll respond. I don't even fuck with you for the enjoyment of the moment, I do it for the hilarious stories I get to tell afterward. He makes my blood boil some days, and most days I just won't respond. I'm tired of playing this game with you, especially since I've been fucking you for 7 years. When you're just a fuck thing, if that goes sour, there is nothing left to keep me interested. Mad at myself for letting you stay in my world. Even more mad that you continue to be there pressed for my pussy. Find some other girl that wants to deal with your bullshit because I finally graduated and became a woman that won't deal with it.

Be hungry for more...

Feed your passions with drive

Feed your intrigue with chance

Feed your inhibitions with change

Once you complete your first set of goals,

Make new ones.

Challenge yourself to experience the unknown.

Just a thought...

Let yourself be happy. stop looking for things to be mad about. I know it's scarier to be happy when you are used to things being so upsetting. Don't miss the good days looking out for the bad ones.

The heart plays tricks on you, it tricks you into thinking with it instead of with your brain. Make sure you listen to your heart, but decide with your brain.

The only thing worse than any situation you are in is death, so don't complain about the small things when you have so much to live for and offer the world with your presence.

People that prove they love you deserve your loyalty. Don't give them trust tests when you know they would jump through a ring of fire for you.

Don't Worry Love...

Don't worry about calling me
Don't worry about texting me
Don't worry about liking my pics on instagram
Don't worry about the tears I shed
Don't worry about the laughs out loud
Don't worry about the men I'm dealing with
Don't worry your pretty little head about anything I do

I don't need your fake friendship

I don't need your insecurities

I don't need your weaknesses

I don't need you.

I'll be okay without your comforts and smiles.

I tried to be a friend.

Hell I tried to be more.

You didn't want it, and I was cool.

But I'm done babying a grown ass man. 

Figure yourself out, and leave me out of your confusion.

It's funny how things change...

People grow up, move forward, and set goals. If you know me, I was very anti-child. I always wanted that honor of being cool auntie. I NEVER thought I would see the day where I wanted a little bundle of joy to call my own. Fighting it for so long, because I didn't think I would ever get married. Learning more about myself and who i am, and what I want. I want a family. I want a husband to my wife and a child to raise in this crazy world molded in the image of who we are together. I'm preparing myself now to be a better woman, and one day a better wife, and even further down the line a better mother. It's just funny to see how things change, priorities get shifted, and life becomes more about love and less about things that don't matter. I'm not as reckless as I once was, but still free as I always will be. My experiences have transformed me mentally and emotionally. I love others without a second thought and criticize the love of myself most harshly. But never once have I questioned my dedication to being happy. I embrace the changes in my heart and ready to fulfill the journey my path leads me down.

Complete Me...

When you embrace my essence, grab hold of me.
Hold my hips when you pull me close
Wrap your arms around me when you kiss me
Grab hold of my entire being with the look in your eyes.
Let me feel your spirit, your soul, your passion.
Penetrate my thoughts with your intellect
And allow me to release my inhibitions.
Be every fantasy, every desire, every euphoric thought
Release my mind and then relax my body.
Complete my sexuality with your sensuality.

Feeling Free

Blessed with opportunities to make my dreams happen.

Blessed with friends worthy of becoming family.

Blessed with loved ones that are supportive.

Blessed to be alive another day to enjoy life's intricacies.

Just blessed and feeling free.

Just a Note on the 3 F's

If you're not fucking me, feeding me, or financing me, then your opinion on how I live my life is irrelevant. While I take advice from all sorts, in the end the decision is mine. With that being said, keep all unsolicited advice to yourself!

Lying to myself...

This has been on my mind for a while, and I need to get it off my chest. I set myself up for failure fucking with you. So I have nobody to blame but me when I got hurt. I should have known better when you couldn't give me a straight answer about yourself. I should have known better when you didn't make time for me. I should have known better when I realized you were broken. I didn't listen to the signs because you were attractive. I let your weaknesses become mine, and I'm so much stronger than that. So thank you getting me back to me, because I needed that. You were not it for me, but you have brought me one step closer to being ready for the one. I appreciated our time together, and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Vacation?

Due to the construction that is going on in our office I have two weeks off of work. Within that time, I would like to share that I am going to be working heavily on my book! With a big push to finish before I go back to work. Wish me luck, and hopefully I will be able to pop in every now and again to update the blog :)

I Won't Respect A Man...

• that wants to lay with me behind the back of his significant other
• that treats women like pawns in a game
• that has potential, but is too scared to recognize it
• that moves heaven and earth for those around him that treat him like dirt and not for people that would do anything for him
• that intentionally toys with the emotions of others for their own gain
• that acts more like a woman than I do
• that is in his emotions more than I am (If I wanted a bitch, I would go get one)

I Can't Do This Anymore...

For all my lovers, past and present...

I don't want to change a man, because I know that's impossible, but I do want you to push yourself to be a better man. You should wake up every morning hoping to be better than you were the day before. I'm the type of woman that will ride for her man, as long as he gives me something worth riding for. I will fall in love with your potential. I will fuck the shit out of your aspirations. I will hold down your ambitions. We can chill when we made it, because the grind never sleeps and happiness is at the top together. I need a powerful man to compliment my dominating presence. Push me to be better, stronger, wiser and more than when you met me, because I want the best out of you that I already know you can give. (we wouldn't be talking if I didn't see the capacity or your nature.)
My mind keeps telling me to be patient, and my heart, my heart keeps rushing me towards the wrong people. I've put myself out there one time too many, and I'm just tired of not having anyone there to catch me. I'd rather catch myself than rely on someone else. So with that being said, farewell to the old lovers, potential boo thangs, and occasional fuck toys. I am no longer using you nor allowing you to use me, I am moving on. To get between my legs, you better be talking more than for old times sake or some smooth line, because for you I am closed. My grind is all that matters till someone opens my eyes to something different.

Missed the old me, so I'm back..

If you're real then you won't be shocked by how I am. The truth only hurts those that lie to themselves. If I have ever done anything well, it is be transparent about who I am, and how I feel. If I hide from you, it's because I didn't trust you. Fake mothafuckas get fake information. You don't deserve truth because you can't handle it. So miss me when I'm gone, if you're real, then you have nothing to worry about. My grind gets better when i'm not distracted by the bullshit of others. My heart suffers, but it is a chance I am willing to take and a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Not Sure Which is Worse...

• Thinking you would date me or Knowing you wouldn't and messing with you anyway
• Believing you cared about me or Thinking it was more than just sex
• Trusting you with any part of me or Not trusting my instincts about you
• Letting go of who I was or Not bringing my lessons learned with me
• Treating you like a Man or Ignoring that you were just a boy
• My cold heart or My freezer where it used to be

I'm Tired...

I'm tired of being what everyone else wants me to be. I used to not care if I hurt people, because I knew people didn't care if they hurt me. I wanted to change, for the better. But now I miss the old me, at least then I didn't get hurt, because I didn't catch feelings. Might need to take  few steps back and get a different focus, because what I'm doing isn't working. Miss me with the bullshit, because love is a joke and heart is for the weak. We're done here, thanks for playing, but this round is for me, my career, and my family. I'm done crying, I'm done hurting, I'm done feeling inadequate for other people. Welcome back to the old me, because I would rather be alone than with some that makes me feel alone.

RUN..from what?

I don't run scared from a conversation that needs to be had. I want the blunt honest truth when you speak to me. I don't have time for sugar coating or spared feelings. Be forthcoming with information and be clear with your words, your actions, and intentions.

Facts about the Diva

I have strong words when I write, speak or think. If any man can’t handle my words, he doesn't deserve my actions. If I express how something you did made me feel and you get butt hurt and shut down, what am I supposed to do about it? I refuse to hold my tongue because you are too weak to hear some feedback. Every woman at some point is programmed to bite their tongue and not express themselves. I am no longer that girl. I did that for far too long and all it did was make me sad and get me hurt. I don’t give attitude for things that don’t matter (i.e. not calling me back, cancelling plans, what movie to pick). We will have a conversation, but you won’t hear attitude. You will hear my wrath if you try to belittle my feelings, especially if you get more hurt about things than I do. I know my words can cut, but don’t take it personal, listen to the words and their meanings and not how they make you feel. Get the point I’m trying to make.

Fellas Take Note...

Too wrapped up in your past to see what's in front of you. I won't wait around forever for you to figure out what you want from me. I'm not a plaything to toy with whenever you break up with your girlfriend, have some free time in your schedule, or you want to sneak into my bed. Don't talk to me like a girl friend or a best friend, when your only intention is to smash. I don't want mixed feelings. Either you want me to be your girl or you want me to be a fuck. But I'm done playing these lets flirt, lets kiss, lets fuck, and then hang out and go to the movies type tendencies. That's what the fuck relationships are. If you're scared to give me a title, then you don't need to be between my legs. There are no friends with benefits in my world. If I'm fucking you, we're probably not friends. If you hurt me once I'll never forget, and I promise when I'm done with you the only person crying is you.

Thinking out loud...

What about me says

That I'm not worth the risk

That I'm not long term

That my past is my present

That any misconception you have about me came from me

That I'm interested in doing anything to hurt you

Why is it my heart yearns for those completely unavailable
to care for me the way I care for them?
I have the biggest heart, with the hardest shell.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I don't want to be vulnerable anymore.
I don't want to hurt anymore.
I don't give a damn about what happened before me.
I just want to be happy.
Why is that so much to ask for?

Facts about the Diva

I used to be the type of chick that had a man for different things. I kept a roster so to speak.

• The guy that would help me with car stuff. (fixing, cleaning, shopping for, or anything that has to do with a car)
• The guy that was there just to listen to me. (girlfriend drama, boyfriend drama, work drama, family drama etc.)
• The guy for his body. (everything about our relationship was carnal and passionate and only when I needed it)
• The guy I bring home (He is perfect on paper and gets my family off my back about getting serious and getting married)
• The guy I bring around my friends. (My friends loved him, because he was perfect for what we needed. finding the best places to go and always knows how to have fun.)

Usually each one lacked a certain something that prevented me from making him my boyfriend. But now that I am in my mid-20s it’s time to calm all that down and start thinking about a future with someone special. I have sowed my wild oats and I’m ready to be a girlfriend and then wife.I don’t need one man that can do all of the above, but I need someone well-rounded. I have learned to be a therapist, chef, nurse, and provider, so bring something to the table. Balance me out and let’s build something people are jealous of.

Facts about the Diva

Masturbation is an art, anyone can make themselves cum, but are you so in sync with your body that your pleasure is from head to toe. A full body orgasm that leaves you satisfied. I don't trust anyone who doesn't masturbate and I feel bad for those who don’t know how to do it. Treat yourself to a little alone time, feel out your body, get to know every inch of it. I love all of me, because I know all of me.

Bitch I'm Feeling Fabulous

Facts about the Diva

42DDD/42F

38" waist

53" hip

I have a figure, it’s fluffier in some place than others and it jiggles when I move. My ass is fat, but firm to touch. I love every inch of my skin from the top of my scalp to the arch in my foot. My hair is silky smooth and curly to touch. My skin is what it is, nothing about me physically defines who I am personally or tells of the actions I take or decisions I make.

Don't Let Go...

I am in a space that's new for me. I am terrified of losing you, and with each conversation I feel like I'm not saying anything right. I run off at the mouth because it is what I know. You get quiet and I don't know what to do. Feeling like my voice is hurting us and not sure how to proceed. I'm grown enough to know that it is not all about me, and mature enough to ask for help. But who do you ask when the one person that has the answer seems to be mad at you for the actions you take. I just don't want to lose you over something I'm trying to work on.

Facts about the Diva

Writing is more than a hobby. It is a passion of mine and nobody can take that away from me. If I never make a dime from writing it will never stop me from continuing my love affair with words. Live to write or write to live…Two very different statements that put you in a state of being that can rarely be understood in one conversation. That’s what writing does for me.

Boy Toys That Turn Into Bug-A-Boo's...

Get a phone call from a nigga, calling me his baby girl. Then get a text from the next dude calling me his boo. Neither one of these guys has given me a title, yet real quick to label me theirs. Talking to me like they own my pussy. We used to fuck on the regular, but I haven't seen you in months. Told both of y'all the last time we talked would be the last time we fucked. Doesn't make much sense to me to keep coming around. You didn't want me to be your girl then, and i'm pretty sure things haven't changed since then.
I know the names I get called because I enjoy my sexual conquests, but the men I take down do the same. I have "male tendencies" because I have a lot of partners, but when you were running through chicks left and right when you was cuffed up that was just a man being a man.
I don't want to wake up one day with a man that makes me feel more alone than when I was by myself. You call me up or text me to get some booty, but wouldn't dream of talking to me to take me out. You don't need my number nor do you need to act like i'm yours. I'm not yours especially if you could barely make me cum, a big reason as to why I won't keep you around. I'm not your girlfriend and you don't make me cum there is no reason to keep you. So when I stop responding or picking up just know that I've moved on to someone better. I've said my piece to you and I wash my hands of the whole situation.

I Love Me

I feel like people expect me to be insecure about myself based on my size, race, ethnicity, intelligence or emotional well being. My biggest and only fear is failure. So trying to shake my confidence because you're unhappy with you is sad and just plain pathetic. I may have average tendencies but my life has been far from that. I know I'm am not the greatest there ever was, because I'm still learning, but I'm damn good at whatever I set my mind to.

It wasn't true love..

I would still feel something for you now if it was. We talked for 5 years and said I love you more than once. We never slept together, hell we never even went out. The first 2 years I knew you, I was in Hawaii, which made everything my fault. I'll take the hit for that. The next 3 years I was practically down the street, yet you couldn't make time for me. So what about our connection speaks on love. I cared for you in a way that was new to me. We grew in a way that showed personal growth, but not in coming together. Our conversation was immaculate and truly something I will miss, however my passion for you has long since left the building. I want nothing to do with you. I don't care if you think of me at night, I don't care if you are concerned because of something you heard, I don't want any contact from you. I don't hit you up, I don't call or text, I didn't even add you when you requested me on Instagram. It will only hurt you more and irritate me to no end that we even speak. Our story is over, and my time for you is done. I have closed the book and moved on to someone that wants me in their life not just when it's convenient.

Sex me...

I masturbate to the thought of you.
Illustrations running wild in my imagination,
giving me the sensation of your touch as I slide my panties down.
Arching my back as I picture your tongue parting my lips
I glide my finger over my clit and wonder what your lips feel like kissing it.

I masturbate to the thought of you.
Your voice narrating every move.
My body shaking in anticipation.
Your breath on my neck soothing my quivers
I puddle up as I finger inside my pussy.

I masturbate to the thought of you.
I masturbate to the thought of you.
I masturbate to the thought of you.

You are my fantasy, my escape, my deepest desire.
Giving me more to think about with every
Conversation
Encounter
Experience.

What I want from my man...

Love me like the lines in my favorite love poem.
Protect me like a pit bull caring for its loved ones
Fuck me like its the last time we can ever be together.
Hold me like a fresh blanket of snow on a mountain peak

Be the man I have seen in your heart.
Be the man I have grown to care about.
Be the man you have shown me.

I will be the woman that cares for you.
I will be the woman you need me to be.
I will be the woman you've see in your heart.

Sea breeze

He gently caresses my cheek to brush single strands of hair out of my face.
Deeply gazing into my eyes,
He grabs hold of me.
Locking his lips on mine
This embrace could last forever.
I don't want him to ever let me go.
Passion fills my heart,
And lust fills my body
I want you to ravage me.
Take hold of my body
Take control of me
I give myself to you in the purest of ways
That turns to the dirtiest actions.

What's wrong with me?

Just simply that question. What's wrong with me, that I can't get the outcome I desire, the love I want, and the work I know I can handle. When is it my time to shine? Am I just not patient enough, am I not working hard enough, is my heart not vulnerable enough? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?

I don't know if I know what real love is...but i'm willing to try...

When it comes to love, we accept what we think we deserve. Rarely do we feel that we deserve love, yet so common, love is what is most desired. Not feeling worthy or feeling like we have been too hurt or are too damaged for another to love us.

"I've never had someone love me the way I wanted, only what I felt I deserved"

 I don't know if what I thought was love was really love, but I do know the relationship I'm developing now feels different than anything I have developed before. So maybe happiness is right around the corner as long as I am willing to try and he is willing to trust me.

What are we?

Nothing about our meeting was traditional, but I'm glad we did. Nothing about our personalities is traditional, but I love that. We go through the motions of talking, keeping one another in the loop of the daily grind. But are we building? This is the glaring thought that crosses my mind when I'm not thinking of the happy moments we have shared. Am I the chick you text and sext, am I the chick you fuck on occasion, am I just a friend with the benefits of getting your dick wet and my pussy soaked. Who am I to you? If anyone asked me if I was single I would tell them no, but that's because I'm not speaking to anyone else romantically and in my mind we are romanticized. Am I wrong though? Do you want me to yourself or does it matter? I feel at times that I talk myself out of working through the emotions of a real relationship based on the actions that may or may not be there. I can't talk myself into one, but apparently have no problem talking myself out of one. I want this, but I don't want to go it alone. So how do I ask, without being that girl? What are we?

My hunnie...

When he called me miss frank for the first time, something about it just said "yes!!!"...it didn't hit me till later a boy I no longer have in my life used to call me that...it was okay though...It didn't take away from the fact that I want him to keep calling me that. When I hear his voice it sends chills down my spine, I want to hear him all the time; Whether he is whispering in my ear, cracking jokes, or just saying my name, I am so glad he keeps speaking. UGH...I miss him so much...lol sorry y'all I have a little frustration building up!

Taking a little time..

While I am away for the summer, I will be posting significantly less, next to none. While I'm sure I will flood these pages with posts when I return, for the next four weeks, I will probably do a check in here and there but no serious posts. To my loyal followers, Thank you! I will see you lovely people in August

Love Always

Dymond Diva

My heart yearns for more...

Dreaming of a happier tomorrow and a happier you with a happier me.
You make me happy
Point
Blank
Period
I am a strong woman, and my words can cut
Listen to my actions
If I ain't left yet
I'm not going anywhere.
Know that my words speak volumes
bound together by my movements.
If I want you, I will take the effort to keep you.
Tell me how to be here for you, and I'll do it.
My heart is tired of being broken,
So help me keep the pieces mended.
My heart yearns for more,
So be what I need,
And I'll be there for you.

Desire or Value? the choice is yours....

At what point do you realize all you have for me is desire. If you value my heart why can't you adjust your lust and show me that. Trying to hide your hurt, you put up a wall stronger than anything I have ever done. I have been through trials, tribulations, cheating, emotional and physical abuse, lies, rape and utter self destruction. Holding on to even an ounce of that would hold me back from pursuing the life I dream of having. If you're too broken to be with someone like me, don't try to turn my cautious behavior on me. There is a difference between aware and shut off. I should be far more closed off than I am, but I sought help, gained perspective and took control of my life. No longer do I let someone who never cared about me take control of my current or future happiness. You don't want me to hold back, but have you even tried to give yourself to me. You hold everything back and push me away, but expect me to fall on you with open arms, so can you see why I would pull away or hold my tongue when it comes to you. Good sex only keeps me interested for so long. If you need to figure things out emotionally, tell me that, but don't bullshit me with excuses to keep me coming back. Passion and sex will only hold me over for a short time, before I look for the emotional somewhere else. Keep that in mind the next time you fix your mouth to say I'm putting up a wall.

Point Taken..

He fucks me like he's got a point to prove.

Holding on and caressing every inch of me

my rolls

my thighs

my fat pussy lips

Tasting me before he enters me

Eating like its his last meal.

I like his aggressive nature, the way he tells me what to do

He controls the pace

stroking me deep and penetrating the deepest depths of me.

He's fucking me like he's got a point to prove.

He has me, not sure if he realizes this.

I gave myself to him

All I can hope for is that he continues to treat me well..

Random shit in my brain...

Make me climax on your speech…penetrate my mind with your intelligence…be more than you appear to be to keep me…and shield me from misconceptions by proving your past wrong and making your future better…Be intimate with my thoughts and you’ll see my full potential…a slick tongue is the start of a passionate conquest..

He gives me feelings...

My attraction to him is poetic…my lust for him is pornographic…my want for him is philosophical…He makes me wonder about the future and if he will be in it…just want to make the right choice after so many wrong ones…I digg him, but does he want me for keeps or does he want me for now?

I want this...

Take me from sensuality..

Hold me close as you slip my dress off of me, only to be stopped at my voluptuous hips. Kneeling down to kiss my stomach as you slide my dress down to the floor. You kiss my pussy lips and tease me a little as you lay me down. I fall back and open my legs ready for you, anticipating every move you are about to make. Not knowing where you will place your lips next, I inhale the scent of you as I gasp for air with every gentle caress against my skin. It drives me insane, because I want you so badly. You grip my thighs as you inhale my scent, so  as you nibble on my inner thigh I grab the sheets tightly and let out a muffled moan. You place your hand over my mouth as you climb on top of me. Your dick so hard it guides itself to my wet lips. Teasing me with the tip of your dick you massage my clit. I squirm to get free and you pin me down harder and then thrust inside to control me. I let out a small yelp and you continue, thrusting deeper every time. Hitting my pussy walls, I am on the verge of reaching ecstasy. I am ready to climax when you stop and pull me closer to you, whispering in my ear "turn over". Not moving fast enough you stand me up and flip me over. Bent at the waist you penetrate me from behind. Grabbing hold of hips you push deep inside me as you spank me for being naughty. I can no longer control my moans so they turn into screams only to be muffled by the pillows you have me bent over. Stroke after stroke I am pleasured. When I reach my climax, you can feel my pussy tighten up around your dick, pulsating from euphoria, my thighs, my legs, my body get so weak. Yet, I yearn for the taste of your dick as I know you can provide me with your juices. You slide out of my pussy and into my mouth. I taste my juices on your dick and as I stroke you, I allow you to slide back in my throat a little deeper every time. wrapping my tongue around the tip before I slide you down. stroking with my right hand keeping your dick wet every time I come back up. speeding up my stroke, I lick around the tip of your dick before I let go and let your whole shaft glide down my throat. Playing with you balls as I gag to fit your whole manliness inside my mouth. I continue to stroke your dick till I can feel the veins pop, and I know you are ready to cum. Your fists clench up and you explode your juices, filling my mouth up with cream, so I swallow all of you and keep you inside my mouth as I tickle to most sensitive parts of you with the tip of my tongue. You collapse onto the bed and I join you as we laugh and enjoy this moment of perfect sensuality.

My poem for him...

My thoughts of him are poetic.
I want to write to him
In a way that he can understand how open I am with a simple look
In a way that he sees my sensuality before I place my lips on him
In a way that transcends any connection made, because we were made for one another.

He brings my day joy with a schoolboy infatuation.
He makes me smile with his warm heart and flirty demeanor.
His voice sends chills down my spine.

I want him. I want all of him
Mind body and soul
I want to be the woman he needs and
I want to be the woman he wants.
I want to be his smile as he is mine.

So my thoughts of him are poetic,
but I am not a poet,
Just infatuated

Sex, Heart, and Passion

My sexual freedom is not the definition of who I am
But what is a small fraction of how I act.
No man or woman on this Earth can define me
Better than me.
I allow you to see certain parts of who I am
But having the full picture you wouldn't know how to act.
My full story still being written
With some good dialogue so far.
Preach to me the goodness in my heart
and I'll show you the depths of my soul.
There is nothing you can tell me
about me
that I don't already know.
I say this to say,
Who I sleep with is none of your business
but if its part of what i'm sharing
you need to wise up and listen to what i'm saying.

Cake...Cake...Cake...

So you want me, but not really, and to top it off nobody else can have me. Selfish niggas like you make me sick. How dare you be possessive when you not trying to claim me fully, and then have the audacity to be jealous when someone else is interested. If you not putting in work, why would I? I'm no man's option. If you want me, get me, if you don't, move along. You are wasting my time and I'm not going to play your games. Putting me as a side chick will never keep you warm at night, and it won't get your dick wet, so remember that the next time you say you miss me, or you want me, or hell even when you say "what's up". Don't try to give me girlfriend duties if all you want is booty. I'm too comfortable being alone and pleasing myself to deal with a lame nigga that just wants my goods. If I don't give you the time of day, it's for a reason!

Guess Who Started Dating?

that's right, after a LONG relationship drought, I have started dating again. I am looking to the future and becoming more of an adult in this area. While old habits die hard, I have noticed some strong progress in myself and it has even been recognized by some of my friends. I leap before I look, and tend to get hurt, but every leap is a new adventure for me, which I am thoroughly awaiting to lead me to a companion worthy of making me truly happy. Back on the dating scene, and i'm going speed dating in a couple weeks, with a couple dates lined up this week. I'm excited :)

Think About It!

I came across this picture as I scrolling through my facebook timeline, and it made me pause and really think about the answer. Honestly 5 people came to mind when I answered it. I won't put all of their names out there like that, but its so true. I wish when I met them, I knew how much they would hurt, how much they would change my life, and how much they would damage me. Then I think about it some more, and if I didn't know them or knew them differently, maybe I wouldn't be who I am today. Let's face it, it took me a long time to get to where I am, however I have fallen in love with myself, so having that kind of perspective I wouldn't change anything that got me there.

How many years...How many tears...this is where we are love

The audacity of some of you niggas...

YOU DON'T DESERVE A FUCKING AWARD FOR LIKING, FUCKING OR DATING A FAT CHICK. You are not doing a good deed for acting on something you are attracted to. If you think otherwise, you are a waste of space on this Earth

Boy Toy get no love from me...

"I have a hard time trusting a man that wants to be with me, but doesn't want to be with me"

I have no problem having a boy toy that I can call up for the get down, but there is a line I can't cross emotionally with them. If we are just fucking you don't get to see my heart, or be apart of my ambitions. We are here for this and this alone, so if I stop talking to you or become unresponsive I feel as though you are crossing into territory that is not yours to invade. My favorite boy toy of all time, knows me better sexually than anyone else. We have had relations for over 6 years, and still going strong. He gets out of line calling me for friend type shit or trying me on some boyfriend type ish, but the dick is good, so on occasion I let him slide. But back to my main point, I already have a hard time trusting men, but a man that wants to lay with me but not be with me, gets the bare minimum effort sexually, and gets nothing emotionally. You aren't even worth the emotional investment, because your man goal is to get me naked and make your dick wet. Never sleep with someone you already have an emotional relationship with, because if they don't want to be with you, then they shouldn't be in your bed. I have learned this the hard way, but I have finally learned it.

One Last Chance...

I opened my heart back up to the possibilities of him, and what did he do? Exactly what I thought he would, NOTHING. Don't tell me you miss me if you don't mean it, Don't tell me you are ready for something you so clearly are not, Don't speak to me if you have nothing new to say. You keep playing this game, but I forfeit. I want no parts of a game that I've been ready to play for quite some time now. You had me, You had me when nobody else could have me. You have wasted my moments and stirred feelings in my heart for the last time. You've had far too many chances with me, and now I'm done. Don't worry about calling, you're blocked. Don't worry about social medias, I won't respond. Don't worry about my blog the name is changing soon. We are beyond done and no amount of false promises and I'm sorry's can make it right. There will never be an US. You have made that bed so lay in it.

Buh-Bye!

I want this kind of LOVE

Fuck me like a Man...

Fuck me like your life depended on it.
Tell me I'm a bad girl when you spank me
And pull my hair as you choke me.

I want a man that can fuck me like you did
But that can make me happy like you didn't.

Caress my hair as I suck your dick.
Be a man about fucking,
not a bitch like the role you been playing.

Slap me a little as I climb on top,
Suck my breasts as I ride you
every stride brings me closer to your lips.

Bend me over
And Thrust your dick inside my inviting pussy lips.

Fuck me hard,
Fuck me slow,
and when I scream out in ecstasy you will know
my pain and my pleasure.

I want the carnal passion of fucking you
Mixed with
The intimacy of having you inside me.

"There's no more men left, just bitch niggas..."

The realest statement I have heard in quite some time. I'm sure men will jump on this and defend their gender, but before you get your panties in a bunch, listen to what is being said. Good men, strong men, MEN, are in rare form. They aren't extinct, but they are hard to come by. Scared to be who they are, by letting another man or group of men dictate how they should act. Giving pause to think about how someone else is looking or acting instead of being the best man they can be. To put it crudely and bluntly, they more of a bitch than bitch. IF a man is more involved in having female traits why would a woman be with that, when most women now a days show more manly traits than them. She might as well just get a woman, because at least then she knows what she's getting. Some men say women killed chivalry, but its not true, when in all actuality the fact that women wanted to be more independent shouldn't deter you from being you. Chivalry died when it stopped being cool to be respectful to women. If more people stayed true to who they are chivalry would be revived. Perpetrating this image of how men and women are supposed to be because big business and social medias told you so make the world weak.

For your viewing pleasure I found this video and it inspired a conversation with some friends, which sparked  me to even think about and then write this post. 

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

4 Types of Men...

• Good Men with bad tendencies
• These men are quality in character, strength, charisma, and so much more, but have been tainted by bad relationships and influenced by negative friends. Their decent nature taken for granted far too many times not because they make poor choices but because common decency isn't reciprocated. They get ruined and turned into assholes which perpetuates the cycle of bad relationships. Good men with bad tendencies create trust issues and hurt more than a bad man in your world. It gives false hope to relationship happiness. 
• Good Men
• It's true when they say they are either gay, taken or a fucking unicorn. Good men have paid their dues and found a partner that makes them happy. So when it comes to good women finding them, they are snapped up so quickly only to have good women preyed on by bad men who speak a good game. Good men have found who they are, and found balance in what they want out of life. This kind of personalized clarity is not easy to come by. Good men have processed and dealt with emotional baggage, surpassed childish peer pressure, and have a confidence that is unlike any other. A good man is respected for his hard work and praised for his character. Rare these days, but not impossible to find.
• Bad Men with good tendencies
• These men are usually the cheaters and abusers. They cheat, get caught and try to make it up with doing the things he should have been doing all along. The abusers are verbally destructive and in a lot of cases physically because they want to feel superior, but no good man lays hands on a woman for that reason. These men are not even worth of being called men, because they are scum that try to wear this mask of good nature. They buy flowers to apologize instead of to say I love you. They buy jewelry to make you forget about the bad they did instead of for romance. 
• Bad Men
• The utter bottom of the totem pole, with no decency or good will towards woman. They walk around like God's gift to women and demand praise for mediocrity. The perpetual cycle of bad behavior passed down from father to son or lack of father to naive boy. They are not even worth mentioning, because they deserve no recognition. They shouldn't exist, but for some reason seem to be so prevalent in today's society. 

Which one have you portrayed lately? Are you worthy of the woman you call your own? or are you just building on her emotional baggage so that one day she won't be able to shake it off because you have damaged her heart that much. A quality man thinks of every decision he makes when it comes to a woman so as not to hurt her or bring her pain. 

Random Thoughts...that aren't so random...

I have no patience for a man that doesn't know how to be a man. I need a man willing to take control, tame me so to speak, because I have a wild child spirit, with the mentality of an ambitious woman. A dangerous combination, because I like to do what I want, but what I want is a fulfilling career and husband. So I'm torn at the age I am and at the age where I will settle down. Lost in a generation that doesn't believe in love, too weak to move on from heartache and too prideful to let someone help them. What happened to strength that our culture had to endure during the hardships of slavery and discrimination; but someone disagreeing with you makes you run and hide and be mean to the next person willing to try to love you. What happened to the Kings and Queens that built empires with strength, courage and wisdom? Why is it if a woman is doing better than you, you would rather give up instead of asking for better within and vice versa? It puzzles me sometimes, it really does!

What are we?

Dear Future Partner,

Let me show you the light at the end of the tunnel. My heart has been hurt by too many people, but I still survived. Through compassion, nurturing, and time I have been healed. I am open to a love like ours could possibly be. Trust me when I say our ups and downs will have nothing to do with emotions but things that will make porn stars blush. I want to tease you, please you, and keep you happy. I want to cook for you, clean for you, be the woman and wife material you dreamed of. But don't get it twisted, I will be a full time career woman. Bringing home my share of the bacon to the castle we build together. If you are tired of being strong, take some of my strength to carry on. If you need to cry, rest your head on my shoulder to let it out. If you need courage, I am willing to be there and support you. On days that seem the darkest, look to me for light. I want less parties and more dinners, I want less drama and more comedy, I want less dating and more  quiet nights at home with you. I'm ready to build a love that makes cupid proud. So when you're ready to find me, I'll be waiting, open mind and open heart ready.

Love always

Camia

Hmmm just like that...

You make my lips water

And my thighs quake for you.

I want to feel you inside me.

Press your lips against my skin.

Taste my body and indulge.

Caress my curves as you slide in.

I want to taste you from the tip of your dick

To the base of your shaft

As you glide down my throat.

Just fuck me,
No more sensuality,
Just passion.

Ignite a fire in my heart.
And watch how hot it gets.

What's Wrong With Me?

Am I ugly? Does my personality suck? Do I wear too many emotions on my sleeve? Do I demand too much of men? What's wrong with me to the point where I can't find a man that is worth the time and energy? Like is every dude in LA trying to be a rapper, actor or baller? Where are the doctor's, lawyers, entrepreneurs  The men that have ambition outside of making money to be flashy. I just want a nice guy that appreciates me, and the fact that I would do whatever I could to keep them happy. I have so much love in my heart, but it is wasted on boys that wear grown man pants. The time isn't right, the connection isn't there, the something is always going to be off. When is it my turn to be happy with someone? Because I refuse to settle for someone that isn't worthy of me, that doesn't work for love like I do. I guess I'm just frustrated seeing people I know taken for granted in their relationships, but I'm single. Whatever, I guess this is the life for me right now.

Are you open?

Open your lungs and breathe
Open your eyes and see
Open your heart and love
Open your mind and learn

Nothing holds us back more than closed off emotions, experiences, and the negativity that puts pressure on our hearts and minds. Don't allow someone else to experience life for you, be in control. Speak a piece that defines you, not just what others will say about you. You are more than your words, because actions are what make the world go round. Are you living to be alive or are you alive to be living? Think about it, when was the last time you did things for the better of your heart and mind instead of what others told you that you should be doing. Don't be fooled by the American dream of white picket fences and happily ever after because not everyone has the same picture, but the goal will always remain the same, to be happy, healthy and successful. So ask yourself, are you open to what life offers?

Song of the moment..

Things I shouldn't post...

Can't have what I want so I distract myself with things I like. Misbehaving because my desires are intangible but having experienced you, I like being bad. Our passion was inspired by our bond, and pleasure determined by our lust. An amazing night turned to passionate sex, friends like us never had it so good. Cracking jokes and keeping the honesty up front, my calm, cool and collected went out the door. I want you, not a version of you, I want you. The passion in your kiss, the smooth of your stroke, the gentle caress over my body made me feel alive. The thought of you is exciting, the reality of the situation not so much, our friendship changed but not damaged. We have become friends over time and make awesome lovers. My mind telling me to move on, but my heart saying just wait. I know what I want, but you make me question it, because the possibilities drive me crazy when you don't speak to me. Don't tell me half truths and keep the details from me, when you ask me anything I tell you all of it, because I want you to know me, like no man ever has. I want you to be in my world like no man ever will be. But maybe I'm just blinded by my passion, maybe all that we have isn't as real as I hoped it would be. Maybe it was just a dream played with a sweet melody to mask my reality from all the illusions that have played tricks on me before.

My Love

I know who I am, and I know what I want. My love is passionate, like the sweet caress of a glowing fire lighting up your eyes. Fierce and unforgiving, my heart remembers every pain, every ache, every disappointment. But like the simple flame when my love burns out, only ashes are left, and it is almost impossible to ignite that fire again. Floundering for so long trying to find myself and what I want out of life, I am completely aware of where I want to be. My goals are attainable and in process. My life is complete in regards to me being aware of who I am, flaws and all. So when I love, I love hard. I love like tomorrow isn't promised, and if you love me our love can never fade or whimper. The intensity of my heart has two modes, on and off. Accept me in your heart, and I'm yours, be accepted in mine and we will always find a way back to each other.

25 and counting...

In recent years I haven't been as goal oriented as I should be, but for some reason, with the approach of 25 I have actively made life choices that will benefit me in the long run. Getting my life on track and my love in order. I am not longer a child that dreams of ideas but a woman that makes them a reality. I am blessed to have the circle I keep and motivated to keep everyone on top of the world. If I have the pleasure of calling you my friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If we are family, I love you and don't ever change, because you are so special to me.

Fallen

I wish I could take it back
Never told you how I felt
Maybe I wouldn't hurt right now
Maybe you would still be there
Maybe you wouldn't hate me
All I ever wanted was to make you happy.
But I'm sorry I broke us

Question of the day:

Why does being decisive always shoot me in the foot?

Just don't

Don't tell me how I'm supposed to be just because I'm a woman.
Don't tell me what I'm supposed to feel because I'm a woman
Don't tell me you know me better than I know myself because you're a man.

I am who I am with or without you.

Let Me In

Kiss me deeply
Hold me close
Tell me everything will be okay

Embrace me fully
Accept me in your heart
Tell me you want to take a chance

Let me be what you need
and support you in a way that no woman ever has.

You know I love you
Now let me fall in love with you.

You haven't known me in a relationship
and you haven't experienced my heart fully

Its not easy, but relationships never are.
Take it slow,
Let it grow.

I'll put in the work,
If you promise to never break my heart.

Patiently Waiting...

The thought of losing you scares me.
It hurts my heart.
If I could take a step back,
erase the memory of the words that damaged us
I would keep things the way they are.
If I never heard from you again,
I wouldn't be the same.
Like a piece of my heart was gone
I don't ever want to lose my best friend
and if that means that you are never with me,
I would accept that and move on to someone else,
Just don't take away my best friend.
You mean too much to me,
To let my desire of being with you
overpower the foundation of a friendship built with you.
Say you'll always be there,
and I will let you go if that's what you want.

Makes you think...

When he kisses me I see fireworks.
Its electrifying
He gives me a jolt of life with the touch of his lips to mine.
I don't want to let this embrace end
Missing the moments we had,
Looking forward to the moments we will share.

Cant quite make the full connection
Still wondering why?
Come around for the third time
still not sure if its right yet.
Got me feeling like I did before,
but seeing you in a different light.

My world comes to a halt when you're around,
trying to put energy into something I'm so unsure of.
I want it, but do I really?
Questioning my actions when it comes to you.
Feeling like I need to let you go.

Then you say something to me, that makes it all worth it.
Turning my world upside down.
Got me inside my emotions
trying to let it go and think of something else, like
your lips touching mine
letting passion take over, but I can't fight it.

You're not it for me,
I'm just forcing myself to something I don't really want.

Find me love..

Love me when you have me. Lose me when I'm gone.

Don't believe the hype about falling in love, when fragile things fall, they break. The icon that marriage has become is more about claiming someone than loving someone. The pressure society has put on us to feel complete is that we need to be with someone to be complete. So instead of looking for true happiness with someone we get wrapped up in the ideal of being apart of the norm and experiencing the acceptance instead of going with what makes us truly happy. Conditioned to fall in line when we were born to stand out, the lies and bullying of societal norms has put so many people in a place of uncertainty and depression. Finally realizing this, I have been so much happier dating to find love and not to find a man to be with.

The Journey Continues..

With the approaching launch of my new website, I want to give you a sneak peek at what to expect. My brand "Dymond Diva Productions"  is beginning a new phase of pleasure with the launch of "Behind Closed Doors", your new pleasure party consultants. Whether you want to have a fun night with the girls or stock up on bedroom supplies, we have a party package for you and your friends. So please come take a look and feel free to ask any questions and give me some feedback. Dymond Diva Productions

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Light my fire
Turn night to day
Endure my passions
Stomach my failures
Embrace me...

Know Me...

I want you to feel what I feel
Be scared of another broken heart like I am
Persevere like I do
Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me

Be my friend before you become my lover
Be with me in my entirety before you decide to leave me

Know my worst moments so you can enjoy my best ones
Experience me as I give and not as you take
Live in my world with open minds and open hearts
Ask me before you quote me.

Love my spirit before you love my body
Care for my heart before you care for my curves
Be with my soul before you indulge in my benefits.

Feel the emotions in my speech
Listen to the tremble in my heart
Experience the moves in my hips

Understand me for who I am, and not what you heard.

Know me.

What do you say to a man that you want in your life, 

but he's too confused in his feelings to be with you?

All about me!

My curves are sultry
My eyes are seductive
My smile intoxicating

I love me,
All of me.
From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

My thighs are thick
My ass is fat
My breasts are immaculate

I love me,
All of me.
From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

I carry myself like a lady
I fuck you like a freak
I make it happen captain.

I love me,
All of me.
From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

My mind wanders into discovery
My heart makes beautiful music
My soul has pulled together the pieces.

I love me,
All of me.
From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet.

I am me,
And nobody can be me better
Than me.

Pierce me...again...

So I am coming up on a year from having gotten my nipples pierced, and I have to say it has been a fun ride. From the tender moments following the days after to the heightened arousal of them being played with. One of my more experimental decisions that turned up pretty awesome. With all of this being said, I want to get another piercing, most likely on my birthday again like last time. I think I want to get my hood pierced. I've been talking bout it for at least two years, and I think it is finally time. Any thoughts, comments, advice I should have before the end of this month, let me know.

Smooth...

Dark Chocolate...

Sweeter than a Hershey bar,
I want to taste your smooth dark skin.
Caress the muscles that hug your bones.
Please every inch of your body in a way that makes you a fiend for my touch.

You drive me wild with the thought of you.
Wrapped around your finger
And you don't even know it.
Refusing to take advantage of my lust for you.

I want you all to myself,
Rolling the mean streets,
having fun on the weekends,
making love when the mood strikes.

Me tasting you
You tasting me.
Infatuation growing with every moment shared,
Then an epiphany hits.

You are my kryptonite.
Your dark chocolate makes me weak in the knees
and wet in the panties.
So will you be my Hershey bar
and make me your caramel candy?

As the page turns...

I have definitely gotten wiser as I have gotten older. Learning from my mistakes in relationships, letting stuff go that is unimportant, and just being more patient. With that being said I have time and time again re-written my 10 commandments of dating a chick like me. So maybe if I redo my list, not of requirements, but of self realizations, I can verbalize what I want and put that good vibe in the world.

1. Thou shall not be pressed - I promise this is so far from who I am its ridiculous. I won't blow up your phone looking for you if you running the streets. I want to spend time with you and if you want me you'll make the time. It's that simple. 
2. Thou shall have goals and ambitions - This is rare these days. True ambition, not just becoming the manager at the store you work at, but striving for greatness and leaving a legacy.
3. Thou shall understand the shift in society - Times have changed. Thinking about what life was like before and comparing it to now is unrealistic. While I would like to be the housewife type, because I think it would be fabulous, I understand that me achieving my goals and being a strong presence in my community would make me feel more accomplished than anything else in the world. 
4. Thou shall let him be a man - I can fix what I need fixed, I can take out the trash, I can even ask for directions. But the masculinity built from having to do it on my own can never replace the security of having you. I want you to be my man, and I will be your woman. I will cook dinner for you as long as you take out the trash. I will let you drive as long as we can get lost in happiness. Be a man and I will let you be in control.
5. Thou shall cater to his needs - Being submissive is something I have struggled with, because of my Aries nature. We are a dominant sign, fierce and strong. I have however learned submission  mastering it is another story. Although I do know of its benefits and drawbacks. 
6. Thou shall be adventurous with sex - You all know my freak flag flies high, and not every dude is like that, but the man I end up with will know the pleasures of every single thing I am open and willing to try. 
7. Thou shall never be predictable - I want to keep you guessing, to be interested in learning more. I am more than what comes to surface. We will always have a fun time and we will always have new experiences. I can be boring sometimes, because you can't be "ON" all the time, we would be exhausted. 
8. Thou shall listen when you need an ear - I am concerned with the well being of any person that I love, care about and see on a regular basis. If you need to vent, I can listen. If you need advice, I can counsel. If you need someone to hear you with no judgement, I'm your girl. We can talk it out, work it out, or just be, but my concern is genuine. 
9. Thou shall ride for the man that locks me down - Flaky females bother me, so I would never want to be one. If you can wrangle me in and keep me, I will ride for you and be that support system you need. I want my man to know that I'm here for him, as long as he knows how to be there for me. We have to be in this thing together, because I can't do it alone and I'm sure you can't either.
10. Thou shall let you be - You had a life before me and will have a life with me. I don't want you to be anything other than who you are. Don't change for me, because I won't change for you. I didn't become attracted to you for any other reason than you being you. 

Yup that's my attitude...

Don't fuck with my heart, my pussy likes it better.

We'll see..

Nothing puts me in the mood for writing like someone playing with my heart. I'm not a patient woman, and when I'm done, I'm done for good. With the exception to the rule that happened more than it should have. None the less, second chances are a foreign language to me when it comes to matters of the heart. Our attraction wasn't innocent, but my mentality that you could be something special if I gave it a little time and nurturing was. I was naive to think that a man in your situation would do anything different. Your type is the reason I don't deal with any man with kids. Your actions prove the stereotype correct. While I applaud you being responsible, your lack of balance shows me that were not on the same page. I don't have kids, but my business is my baby. I put time, energy, love, and money into making it successful, but I still made time for you. I'm no longer mad, or even irritated for that matter. You were not meant to be in my world and you played a role in teaching me a lesson. I enjoyed the time we did have, however short it was. Thinking that I will stick around to talk to a man that has no intention of being my friend or my lover, I have no patience for. I wish you all the best, because my journey will continue whether you are along for the ride or not.

I Will...

I will always be a complete and utter asshole.
I will try your patience, and play games.
I will confuse you to no end.
I will make you fall in love with me.

There are very few words to describe me completely. I live to re-define the stereotypes, associations, and molds of who I am supposed to be.

I will work harder than most people.
I will love you the way you need.
I will be there till the end of time.
I will forever be true to me.

Give Me A Reason

To love you
To trust you
To believe in you

Stop trying to force my hand,
because you dropped yours.

So Gone...

Feeling myself...

This post is gonna make me sound a little conceited, but I seriously LOVE this picture of me. Mind you it's all filter, but my cheeks and the arch in my eyebrow, it just looks surreal that this is a picture of me. So I share, while I continue to work on my upcoming posts :)

Things I'm trying to learn..

While It Lasts

Bored out of my fucking mind,
So all I think about is fucking you.
On my mind and I like it
Giving me hope for passion and lust
You hold my attention past hello and good morning
I like your mind and I love your humor
Wanting to have fun all day and all night
I know when you leave it will hurt.
Because you will,
Like they always seem to do.
I'm glad we met and could have fun,
No doubt it was perfect for now.
Enjoy the time we have left
Because you want a wife and kids
And that journey is yours to have,
But not ours to share.

If you read this...

I just want you to know that you ruined everything we had. You did that, not me, not the excuses you made for yourself and our situation, not anybody you ever interacted with when it came to me, YOU. We will never be a couple, we will never be together, so if you miss me, that's on you, don't call me, text me, add me on social networks. Just be a man and deal with your feelings. I am not a therapist, I am not your mother, you weren't even man enough to make me your girlfriend, so the big talks of me one day being your wife are a joke. Real feelings don't go away, and they haven't for me, but I won't do this with you, you are on your own. Leave me be, because I was fine before I knew you and I am fine now that you're gone. Live your life and let me live mine. We don't need to be together, and you are not it for me anymore, so move on to someone else. Don't love me, miss me, or even remember you know me.

Fantasy...

Every time I close my eyes I imagine you holding me, kissing me, and enjoying me. I remember your essence when you're not here and I yearn for the moment you return. To see your smile, to hear your laugh, to feel you next to me. My body aches to feel you inside me, wondering if you will fit perfectly like I have imagined time and time again. Before I get too excited, I wake up with my panties soaking in anticipation, only to realize you are nothing more than a fantasy. You are intangible and it makes it all that more enticing. To have you would be exciting, to chase you would be adventurous, and to wait for you to fall in my lap would be priceless. I will just have to keep my distance, because the more I am around you the more I want you and I know i can't have you.

I'm a big flirt...

but sometimes, it gets me in so much trouble. I like someone I shouldn't, and I see him far to often for me to not develop these feelings because of flirting. It doesn't help that i haven't had sex in 3 months. So with that being said, I need to stay away from men i'm tempted by, because I may do something that will make it difficult to be around said flirt trouble.